I ate it and I logged it


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I will tell you right now I am HORRIBLE at tracking my food.  It’s pretty much up there with having to take my daily pills.  I just despise doing it.  However, as we get older we find we just have to do things we don’t always like.  So for me right now tracking my food is just one of those things.

So last night we wanted to treat the kids and took them to red lobster.  I will admit this was a HUGE challenge for me.  I knew my carb count would be up but had a goal in mind I had to keep my count still below 50.  With apps, our meal AND dessert I am proud to say I actually DID succeed!  I was shocked actually!

Not only was I shocked that I went to a place I love to eat and I usually LOVE to eat all the foods that pretty high in carbs but I actually logged everything I ate in my fitnesspal.  I also log it into my personal journal.  But that’s huge for me.  I don’t think I have EVER went into a restaurant other than fast food and actually logged my meal.

Normally, I am like nope not gonna this is a cheat meal lol but last night it wasn’t.  And wasn’t meant to be a “cheat” meal. While my carb count was over for the day where I aim daily for, it still wasn’t high.  My carb count for the whole day was just at 100.  Which is the max I give myself.  So I still call that success.

And it does show because the water weight once again is releasing.  I think to keep this water off I am going to have to just keep sticking to this day in and day out.  It’s the only way I will for sure know.  But for now I will be happy about my tiny victory 🙂

What things have you done in your journey that surprised you?


It’s only as hard as you make it


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This journey is only as hard as I make it.  

I am working hard today to keep this in my mind.  I believe most things in life and how we respond to them are mentally challenged.  I believe greatly in life is more about what you do with it than what happens to you.  My journey then would be no different.

One of the biggest obstacles in this journey has been overcoming what happened to me. Moving past what has been done and going from there.  Moving past the doctors who were wrong, the answers we haven’t found, and the results that were not gained.  I cannot control the past nor the actions of others.

I refuse to keep torturing myself.  Telling myself how “hard” this is.  I know many who strive on – “I worked hard and that made it worth it for me…” And don’t get me wrong there isn’t anything wrong with working hard.  I do believe great things happen through hardship.

BUT and there is a but,  I am a huge believer that it doesn’t *have* to be hard!

You have to ask yourself, “what is REALLY hard about this?”  Is eating healthy in general hard? Is doing some sort of exercise hard? Is writing down what you eat hard?

Let’s start with the first one.  Is eating healthy hard?  In a short answer for most people no.  It’s really not difficult.  You have to pin point a few things 1.  What do you consider healthy? 2. What is your budget like? 3. What is your surroundings like?

Before you even begin ask yourself what exactly is hard.  For example for me, eating healthy is hard when you are surrounded by foods that are high in carbohydrates.  What is hard about this is mentally I know I WANT the food that is high in carbohydrates.  What is hard is telling myself that I don’t NEED that food that is high in carbohydrates.

So then you are left with say in my case, that it’s not eating healthy that is hard it’s more being in situations where there is temptation is hard.  Thus making it that avoiding temptations is mentally challenging.

So let’s try number 2.  Is doing some sort of exercise hard.  Now this one is tricky.  It’s tricky because for some people the most simplest exercise may in fact be hard to do.  BUT I would say for the average person that if you can move your arms, legs, body in some shape of form then all in all you CAN do some sort of exercise.

I think we under-estimate exercise.  Exercise can be just going for a walk.  No one says how long you have to do it, how hard you must do it, or how much you must sweat doing it.  There are suggestions, but in this journey there is ALWAYS a starting point and that starting point is typically an easy one.  Just getting yourself up and moving.

However, you will find it’s not the exercise that’s hard.  What’s hard is getting yourself motivated to move, what’s hard is your body getting use to moving more often or finding time to fit activity in your life.  BUT moving?  No, moving in general for most people isn’t hard.

Lastly, is writing down what you eat hard?  Unless you don’t know how to write this by far is one of the easiest things to do.  It’s not that it’s hard.  I know for me it’s that it’s annoying.  But hard? No… It’s not hard.

I set myself up for hard.  By putting my mind in thinking this hard I setting road blocks.  I giving myself a negative indication that I will struggle.  Now, don’t take this the wrong way.  It doesn’t mean there still isn’t a struggle.  However, it’s about your mind.  Something being a challenge doesn’t mean it has to be so hard that you just can’t do it.

You want to know what makes a victory so gratifying that you felt was hard?  Because *I believe* apart of you doubted you.  Apart of you deep down feared you might not make it so when you did it felt awesome because honestly, apart of you was shocked.

I mean how many times do you do something you KNOW you can do and you are like Yeah, I did that?  Normally, you are like yeah, okay I did this, and what? I don’t know some random thoughts here but there is a point I am trying to make here.

That point is simple.  Find out the source of your problem, the roots of what your struggles are.  If you find those out, then I do believe your journey will not be so hard.  And don’t think that because the journey isn’t so incredibly hard that it’s now not worthy of praise.

We have some weird fixation that only things that were difficult to do are worthy.  We hold people on higher pedestals when we see some doing something we perceive as difficult.  WE do so because of doubt.  We are amazed when people do things we *think* we couldn’t do.  But that the thing, we all can we just don’t believe we can.

It’s kind of like me being a mom of four.  Many ask “how do you do it”?  “your hands are full I bet”.  The fact is, while some days are hard all in all I can do it because I have come accustom to it.  It’s a way of life for me.  To me it’s almost like asking, wow you can breathe, is it hard?  No, not really as long as you have lungs.  I had to decide as a mom I can make this as difficult as I wanted it to be. And when challenges do arise I decide how “hard” I perceive them to be!  And honestly, having one to have four no matter the number being a mom always has times of hard.  I am not to be praised any more or less of a mother with just 1.  WE both work hard to give our child(ren) the best!  So both of us should be proud of that!

So don’t think that because your journey isn’t the most difficult journey out there that it’s not important.  Doing things day in and day out that is good for you and your body should ALWAYS be admired and praised.  It’s not about how hard the work is.  It’s about you loving you and respecting YOUR body!  The hardest thing I think in life is loving yourself.  IF you can over come that….. Anything really is possible!

I know I say that and I am here constantly struggling, but I do believe it and I like many of you, I am a work in progress.  I have not gotten a 100% to that point (of loving myself) but I am working on it.  I do believe that great things will come as I look more toward knowing I can do things vs focusing on the hardship of doing them!

This journey isn’t built on how hard it was to get here but that I believed in myself and I didn’t give up.


My 30 day commitment


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I have decided to make a commitment! I know I have said or thought of this in the past.  I know that I keep saying and failing to do it.  However, this morning I had to think long and hard about what I really want.  After gaining 10lbs over the weekend.  Yes, 10 freaking pounds.  I decided that I really can’t keep doing this.  I logically know that I didn’t gain 10lbs of fat.  It’s fluid. I have to combat against the fluid.  The ONLY thing that has worked with combating fluid was lowering my carb count.  Period! I just HAVE to do this.

I have to treat this like a drug for me.  I thought of this today.  This morning on my way to work I was like ya know, how is it I gain fluid SO much so fast?  Water or not it’s hard to swallow… Then I thought about drugs… While, I know unlike drugs and alcohol I cannot avoid food the symptoms ARE still the same.  I thought about it like drugs and thought, this would be like me taking a drug and getting upset that I got high!

I cannot expect a different result.  The facts for my body are clear.  Higher carb foods despite my calorie counts has major effects to my body.  Cheat days just can’t happen.  Because cheat days turn into multiple cheat days to cheat weeks and etc.  This is a conscious choice.  I CAN decide!  What’s more important to me?  I must have determination.  This isn’t about will power that WILL come and go there is no doubt.  It’s about being determined to live a healthier lifestyle.

I have to drop what seems unfair.  Yes, it’s unfair that some people can do a simple thing like quit soda and lose weight while I have quit far more and didn’t have the same results.  Yes, it’s unfair that I have to exercise more, Yes, it’s unfair that my body holds on to water like it will die without it.  And I am not talking about water that you drink lol.  Yes, it’s unfair that I look the way I do when I KNOW I didn’t eat myself here.  BUT ya know what?  I can’t do anything about that other than to change what I know has given me at least SOME results.

Right now this will be 30 whole freaking days!  The end goal is 90.  I thought long and hard why did I not say 90 and frankly I fear failure right now.  I want to take baby steps and just think of the first 30 days.  However, after the 90 days is up.  IF I can do this plan for a WHOLE 90 days and I DON’T see results THEN I will consult other options.

I know I have several huge risk factors with something like surgery.  It’s not something I will take lightly.  However, I NEED to be smaller.  Not for vanity but for health.  With my clotting disorder I have huge risk factors being over weight.  I MUST find a good formula to make this possible.  I have goals for myself that I want to see.  I have dreams.  I have to make a choice.  And I have.  And I will. 

Feeling better

Well, I am starting to feel more normal by the day.  unfortunately, PMS has hit so my weight has creeped up again. Sigh… I haven’t also been the best.  I didn’t realize why I wanted to eat all the food until I realized I was ovulating.  I was like ah, now that makes sense.  But it’s good to know either way.

All in all I am feeling MUCH better.  I can breathe now which is a huge plus.  Today I am going back to gym.  🙂 I will say man anytime you stop it feels SO hard to start.  But I am excited today.  Kinda… Not really…. But still glad to go back lol.  Other than that there isn’t much to report.  I will start doing my weigh in’s on Friday.  I will do my best to keep you guys informed on what’s going on 🙂

I hope all is well with all of you 🙂 Here is to a wonderful hump day!

Being sick is for the birds

Of course ONE week into doing C25K I have to get sick.  It started on Saturday and it’s still going today.  I haven’t done much logging or writing in general the past several days.  Food itself hasn’t been much of a focus although it’s been mainly crackers and soup.  I have focused more on trying to breathe!  lol

So I don’t really have much to report today.  I decided the past few days to just focus on getting rid of this cold, allergies whatever it is?  Instead of worrying about weight loss.  So never fear I didn’t fall off the wagon or anything I am just sick.  Booo…..

Currently, my nose hasn’t decided if it wants to stay clear.  It keeps going back and forth.  Just when I think I can breathe, my nose tricks me and says, nah, that was just a joke…. Sigh…. I really would love to just be home and sleep.  Heck, the past two days I didn’t even get to do that.  While, I was home I still worked from home which let me tell you still sucks.

So hopefully I will shake this thing full by next week.  I think next week I will just start my C25K over again and go from there.  Maybe, I got sick from the gym? hrm….. You sickies going to gym and giving me your cooties! bah-humbug! Shakes fist in air!

I know you want to be healthy but….


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All sweaty after my workout

All sweaty after my workout

The beginning of the year is always so hectic at the gym.  Everyone is pumped up to get their work out on because they have made a new years resolution to do so.  Hey, even I came back in January.  However, in my case it had nothing to do with what time of year it was.

Anyways, with all the new faces brings new frustrations.  Like a lot of the machines being taken for one!  Or the area where you can do floor exercises is extremely crowded.  Or my “favorite” the guys and chicks that come in with full on body cologne or perfume.  Gag.  Guys, the gym is NOT  a dating site.  You are there to get yucky, sticky, and stinky.  Embrace it!

So with that said, apart of me, the selfish side of me just can’t wait until say March when a lot of the newbs will be gone and I will get my gym back!  I know it’s wrong, I should be so happy for those folks and I really am.  (Well, kinda sorta).  It’s just I miss my peace and quiet, the sweaty smells, having a weight machine when I desire instead of seeing someone sitting there on their phone! (That’s rude btw!).

Any-hoo…. So on what was it?  Ah, yes, on Monday  I started the C25K again.  I have this lovely app on my phone that tells me when to walk and run.  So I figured I could try this out on the treadmill.  Day one went good.  I think actually better than the first time I tried?  Not sure, I would have to re-read.  Yesterday was day two and that my friend was a bit harder!

Let me tell you that my calves – I think began to hate me.  oh, the burn….  I won’t lie after the second rep of running I was ready to say screw this.  My legs hurt, my calves were so tight feeling.  I was like nope, can’t do this today…. And then, I just kept going.  Before I knew it, I was done!  In fact, apart of me wanted MORE! Go figure.

After my run I went on the bike did another 15 minutes on intervals.  After that called it a day.  I think it went pretty well personally.  I am not really looking forward to my run tomorrow.  But we shall see…  I am getting nervous about the week where I run 20 minutes straight.  Yikes! All in all though I think it went pretty well and once I get my gym back I am sure it will be fabulous!

With that said tell me, what is your biggest gym pet peeve?

It’s your perception


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I had to really learn very recently that I have to make choices everyday.  Well, I didn’t learn that part.  But, the part I learned was in weight loss *I* have to decide what is more important.

In the past anything that was “too  hard” was not something I was really wanting to attempt.  If it was too restrictive I was going to do it.  While, I still do believe that very restrictive diets can back fire, I also believe that it’s all about perception.

Was the diet it’s self restrictive or was I making my choices restrictive?

I thought of it like my children.  If I felt something wasn’t good for my children they wouldn’t get it.  So why do I allow myself to be an exception of that?  I had to learn I am a grown adult and sometimes being a grown adult you do things you don’t really want to do!

When you look at everything as you are giving up everything than that’s what it will seem like.  However, when I see it as a new opening for new ideas it feels more optimistic.  It’s all in perception.

So, this past week has went really well.  I started writing in my journal and being aware of what I eat.  I don’t tract calories or carbs.  I just write down what I eat and I am aware of what I eat.  I do try to limit any carbs that are not in vegetable form. BUT I haven’t deprived myself either.

So far so good.  I am down currently 7lbs since the 15th.  I had forgotten to weigh in that Monday so I am down I would say a good 10lbs since last Monday.  It’s progress.  I’m not shouting out on any roofs yet.  (It will take me to get under 280 for that) but I can say it’s progress.

This weekend was too.  D and I ate out a few times and each time I was very cautious of what I ate.  I still enjoyed my food greatly and I think that’s the point.  I don’t feel like I am punishing myself and is long as I give myself the perception that I am not then I am fine!

We also went to get the little ones ear pierced.  Each week we spend some one on one time with the kids.  So Sunday we haven’t done much with the three-year old and she has been begging to get her ears pierced.  So I finally caved and off we went 🙂

We first stopped by Applebee’s and had some Lunch.  (Which was yummy btw).

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Then we went to get her ears pierced.  She did cry for a Min but she is super happy about them!  She picked little lady bug earrings.

20150125_152450 20150125_153255After we were done with that we got some ice cream for being such a big girl!



We really did enjoy our day!  We also went by the store to get a replacement scale since ours broke that morning.  Yay new stuff.  It seems to be working fine.  I can even weigh myself in the dark now lol.  So all in all it was a great weekend.  Let’s see what this week holds? 🙂


Lots of changes


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I have been doing lots of changes here lately, while yesterday was a slight set back in my eating due to my lunch meeting and the surprise pizza my roommate ordered for everyone.  I have been taking strides to really make some big improvements.

I started to journal everything I eat, I write down how I am feeling or any special notes I want to give myself.  I didn’t think I would like this but I actually do!


I also made some lunch meals in advance!


Which made for yummy lunches!


I will be working this weekend on pre-making some dinners to avoid things like the surprise pizza since my roommate forgot to put something out and well, I guess she felt like some pizza.  Fine deal but can’t happen often.  So with that said.  I have also been going to gym.  Right now I am aiming for 3 to 4 times  a week.

Logically I would like to go daily but my daily life sometimes gets in the way of that…. AKA children.  So, it’s cool though, as long as I am getting active again I think that’s what really does matter the most!  So I can say it’s been a positive week so far!  So tell me how’s yours been?

I made a decision!


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So, I told D last month that if I didn’t go to the gym in January that I would finally give up my gym membership.  I did agree with him that there was no reason for me to keep a membership and waste money if I wasn’t going to use it.  However, I really did struggle with wanting to give this membership up.

I kept wanting to find a way to make this membership work for me.  I just didn’t know how.  Yesterday I got a call from my kid’s school that she wasn’t feeling well.  I didn’t realize but those that would have been able to pick her up actually were not on the list to do so.  Because of this I had to leave work to get her.

Since I was already basically home I asked if I could just work from home.  What a difference that made.  By the time D got home I was eager to go to the gym.  That’s all it was!  It wasn’t really that I didn’t want to work out but that being at my job the past 5 months just wears me out.

Not to mention I get such little time with the kids.  But because I was home I got to spend some time with them.  Dinner was already started.  So it wasn’t so bad.  The downside is I can’t work from home everyday so that means I just have to suck it up and figure it out.  What I did realize was that I at least wanted to bring my youngest with me.

I think the idea of having to be gone from home another hour just didn’t sit well with me.  Even though at the gym she isn’t “with me” she still feels like she is.  My sister-in-law has been starting to help with dinner which is actually a HUGE help so really I don’t have much of an excuse anymore.  So I went and it was good.

I wanted to quit on the elliptical like 6 minutes in lol But proceeded to for 30 minutes and then did the bike.  I will say I had forgotten how sore you are the next day lol But all in all I woke up wanting to go back so we shall see where this takes me!


I have to admit it does NOT feel like a Friday to me today but hey I will take it!  So this week has been very much a Blah week.  I don’t know why but I just have been SO tired and fatigue this week.  Not to mention I had started to gain again.

AF finally came after being a month late last week and of course my weight stalled, I thought like normal it would go down but nope it went back up to what I was.  SO the interesting observation stands when I have NO AF I can lose weight.

I have to figure out how to do this with still getting AF.  I think all my feelings that this is a factor is right on point.  So what do to from here I am not sure but I have docs appointment coming up so we shall see.

All in all I think it’s really accountability.  Learning to over come the hurdles.  Between money, my body, work, lifestyle you name it.

One of the other things I am struggling with is the gym.  I still haven’t been.  I told myself that If I didn’t go this month I was to cancel my membership.  I have  held on it with hopes I would go but it’s just not something I find well in my schedule at all and I think I need a new plan.

The gym served it’s purpose before but I think I am seeking something else right now that’s not at my gym.  I just haven’t figured out what yet.  But I do know there is no sense of wasting money every month even if it is only 20 bucks a month.  I need to remind myself that ending it doesn’t mean I can’t rejoin if I ever went back.

It doesn’t mean I have failed, or that I can’t do any type of work out.  I think that’s my biggest factor is failure.  I think cancelling makes me feel like a failure even though I really have no desire to go back.  I do have a desire to work out but just not there.  I don’t know it’s complicated and hard to explain.

So that’s what I am dealing with this week.  I am so looking forward to the weekend and hopefully getting some much-needed sleep and figuring out how to really do this whole process day-to-day.  So Happy Friday to you guys hope it’s a good one.