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I have decided to make a commitment! I know I have said or thought of this in the past.  I know that I keep saying and failing to do it.  However, this morning I had to think long and hard about what I really want.  After gaining 10lbs over the weekend.  Yes, 10 freaking pounds.  I decided that I really can’t keep doing this.  I logically know that I didn’t gain 10lbs of fat.  It’s fluid. I have to combat against the fluid.  The ONLY thing that has worked with combating fluid was lowering my carb count.  Period! I just HAVE to do this.

I have to treat this like a drug for me.  I thought of this today.  This morning on my way to work I was like ya know, how is it I gain fluid SO much so fast?  Water or not it’s hard to swallow… Then I thought about drugs… While, I know unlike drugs and alcohol I cannot avoid food the symptoms ARE still the same.  I thought about it like drugs and thought, this would be like me taking a drug and getting upset that I got high!

I cannot expect a different result.  The facts for my body are clear.  Higher carb foods despite my calorie counts has major effects to my body.  Cheat days just can’t happen.  Because cheat days turn into multiple cheat days to cheat weeks and etc.  This is a conscious choice.  I CAN decide!  What’s more important to me?  I must have determination.  This isn’t about will power that WILL come and go there is no doubt.  It’s about being determined to live a healthier lifestyle.

I have to drop what seems unfair.  Yes, it’s unfair that some people can do a simple thing like quit soda and lose weight while I have quit far more and didn’t have the same results.  Yes, it’s unfair that I have to exercise more, Yes, it’s unfair that my body holds on to water like it will die without it.  And I am not talking about water that you drink lol.  Yes, it’s unfair that I look the way I do when I KNOW I didn’t eat myself here.  BUT ya know what?  I can’t do anything about that other than to change what I know has given me at least SOME results.

Right now this will be 30 whole freaking days!  The end goal is 90.  I thought long and hard why did I not say 90 and frankly I fear failure right now.  I want to take baby steps and just think of the first 30 days.  However, after the 90 days is up.  IF I can do this plan for a WHOLE 90 days and I DON’T see results THEN I will consult other options.

I know I have several huge risk factors with something like surgery.  It’s not something I will take lightly.  However, I NEED to be smaller.  Not for vanity but for health.  With my clotting disorder I have huge risk factors being over weight.  I MUST find a good formula to make this possible.  I have goals for myself that I want to see.  I have dreams.  I have to make a choice.  And I have.  And I will.