So I was thinking about this as AF is approaching and I am starting to slowly feel “normal” that I think the actual key to this whole thing is figuring out how to control my PMDD… I have an appointment with my gyno next week and I think this will be the topic of discussion.

I noticed (and this is nothing new) but the two weeks before my period I just become almost a different person.  I am far more moody than “normal”, I crave a bunch of crap, I have no interest in things, I have more suicidal thoughts even though I have no want to do so.  Stuff like this.

PMDD isn’t new to me but there hasn’t been any treatment for it.  Back when I was first diagnosed years ago the main thing I was tried on was birth control.  I am on the ONLY bc I can be on with my blood disorder and it’s not enough.  I have done some research this morning and it does seem like there is hope yet.

So I think that is what I will be discussing with my doctor.  We need to come up with some kind of plan to deal with these two weeks a month.  I can’t really have just ONE week a month where I feel completely normal.  You have the two weeks of PMS and the one week of AF that leaves just one week of just ME.

I believe this has been the source of all my issues, which still brings it to hormones as I thought.  The hard part is the whole well, just don’t do it and unless you have been in these shoes you wouldn’t understand how that comment is not so easy to do.

In these shoes I am not me…. It’s like another force takes over, and my brain just switches like a light bulb and then once the “fog” lifts I am me again thinking damn, what just happened here?  It really does suck!

I also met with my hematologist yesterday.  INR was good which is good.  He wants to take me off the blood thinners.  Which is super scary.  We talked about it and he agreed with ME that losing weight first seems to be the best idea.  He was SUPER sweet though, and told me he knows it’s hard (to lose weight) but if it doesn’t happen like I would like he was there to figure out what will work best.

I am amazed at this man.  I really don’t think he see’s a fat woman in front of him.  I haven’t met many who were blind to size.  That’s not to say he doesn’t notice I am overweight, obviously he does.  He is just one of the first doctors to not focus on it.  His first and foremost concern was my health on being on blood thinners my whole life not if my fat did or didn’t cause the issue.  Which he says is always a factor but doesn’t believe in my case is.

And he doesn’t appear to be one to blow smoke up my ass either.  He really just see’s me as a patient who he wants to treat.  Not my size.  He hasn’t generalized me by my size like many others have.  I will tell you paying an insurance premium every month has been worth it for me.  It sucks that our world is this way that you must have money to get proper care but at this time I am just blessed that we can make due for now to make that possible.

BTW I have gained back today what I lost three weeks ago.  It’s a vicious cycle but I am determined to figure it out!  Anyways…. Turkey day is just around the corner so I won’t be around probably the rest of this week so I just want to say Happy Thanksgiving and I will see you guys next week! 🙂

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