Just keep swimming, just keep swimming… Dory has been in my head a lot lately.  Between trying to lose weight, work and just life in general.  I think it’s an important thing to keep in your mind.

Life tends to go in some many directions and the best thing you can do is just keep going at it.  Like yesterday morning.  I stepped on the scale and was slightly annoyed it had not moved until Monday.

At first I wanted to be mad.  THEN I realized I was ovulating.  Not gaining (yet) during that time of the month is HUGE for me.  As many of you know, I gain a minimum of 10lbs right before AF (sorry guys).

But it’s true.  It’s apart of what makes this process so hard.  The cycle goes like this.  The week AFTER AF comes I am normal.  For ONE whole week I am a normal woman who can do everything you are supposed to do.

Which is, eat right and exercise and I will lose weight.  This is what I call my “magic” week.  This week works.  Like it should.  Week 2 and 3 is PMS time.  For those men out there PMS is NOT when a woman is on her period.  It’s actually the weeks BEFORE her period.  This is also another reason why woman also get so mad when you blame her “period” on thing.  These two weeks I can gain up to 15lbs.

The part that sucks about this week is it’s hard mentally.  I can usually do everything I did in week one but in week 2 and 3 it seems all bets are off and science no longer works.  At least for my body.

Week 4.  AF comes.  This week is almost as good as week 1.  Because week 4 during that week I start to lose once again the 15lbs.  The problem is by the time the end of the week is here.  I am LUCKY if I am able to then lose the WHOLE 15 and I still have whatever I lost in week 1.

So it’s a cycle.  Lose in week one, gain in week 2 and 3, lose what you gained in week 3 and 4 and pray that you also get to keep the loss from week one.  Now, my doctor does realize that in week one all I lost was water.  Hence why in week 4 I don’t always lose it back.  Because all my body wants to do is HOLD ON TO WATER!

It’s evil let me tell you and a total mind fuck up!  Excuse my french.  And yes, I have done many things like drink a ton more of water, lower my sodium (which that doesn’t work anyways and there is a lot of conflicting info on this one but I digress), eating certain foods.

The only thing I have noticed that has helped has been watching the carbs.  Now, I will say the hardest part is week 2 and 3.  Those week, my moods are seriously all over the places.  Thank you PMDD! Ugh! I crave CRAP…. Like seriously NOTHING at all works unless I have this crap.  I have tried.

In fact I will just keep wanting to eat until I finally eat it.  The trick is to just not buy a ton of it.  I have learned to indulge in the crap but in moderation during this time.  Sometimes I modify it in the sense of if I want chocolate I have really dark chocolate.  That kind of thing.  If I want fat, then I eat some black olives (which I LOVE) avocados (which are growing me), or heck I might just make some eggs and bacon.

BUT I’m not perfect.  Sometimes my mind gets so mad because I gained I say F it and eat whatever!  I know this isn’t good behavior and doesn’t solve anything!  But again I’m human.  It’s hard to see the scale move so much.

These days I am trying not to weigh so often.  I find it makes me go crazy.  I also have realized that I need to become more determined.  I need to get into that mindset of how much do I REALLY want this.  Like REALLY want it???

I mean I know I don’t want to be fat.  But am I really ready to take ALL the step necessary to over come this issue.  Even if that means working harder at it than the average person.  Because when you have things like, excessive water retention, thyroid issues, and PMDD (and god knows what else). It can be difficult to lose weight.

Weight loss already feels against you.  But I KNOW it can’t be impossible.  No way can I believe that I just HAVE to be fat.  There has to be a formula!  That my friends, is what I am trying to figure out.  It’s why I am here.  So many people think weight loss is just eat this or that and work out.  And for some it’s really that simple.

Some people can cut out soda and lose weight!  I on the other hand, I have to do more.  I can work out an hour a day, eat 1200 calories a day and I’m lucky if I lose 1lb a week doing that…. Someone else can do that and lose like 5.  It’s just how it is.  I have learned that I have to accept that.

That was a HARD acceptance.  Learning that some people just have to work harder.  I think it’s like that in a lot of things in life.  Just like learning in general.  Some people are just naturally smart.  Like my ex-husband.  He never has to study is just absorbs information like a sponge.

Myself? Well, I can study all night and still fail a test.  It’s just not that easy for me.  I have to work super hard to learn.  I had to do a lot for good grades.  Smarts, just wasn’t something that was easy for me.  But then I have other things like uh, common sense that is just that easy.

My ex all his went for his learning or something I don’t know but he has like NO common sense!  I have the ability to look at things and come up solutions.  As long as you give me an idea I can run with that and make things happen. It’s just who I am.  At work I am one of the first to flag a problem before it even happens.

So we all have things we are good and then not so good at.  This problem it’s just a not go good at but hey, I am still learning.  Like everything else I eventually get it… it’ just a process… I just… Well, I just keep swimming!