Okay, I lie, I like some people… But for the most part I am NOT by far a people’s person. I find most individuals annoy me to no end and really I have a lack of patience (funny that was my last post) for them. I am not your happy-go-lucky person. You want that, well, you would have to talk to my sister. It’s just not me.
With that said I find myself constantly pulling away especially as I get older from people. It’s weird, when I was younger I would want so badly to fit in, have all these friends, and to be liked. But these days I really don’t care. I have started to see over the years my life has been full of people who are just there.
I don’t want just people are just there. It’s been a hard thing for me to deal with. A huge part of me wants to separate from all of them. But I do wonder how healthy that really is. To me it feels releasing. I don’t care who you are family or not letting people go who cause annoyance feels good to me. It’s like letting go of baggage.
I find more times than not I do things for the feelings of others. I will say keep someone a friend on Facebook because I don’t want to hurt them even though this person isn’t even active in my life. Or maybe they are just family (which I find a grey area).
As I age I find myself caring far less. I am at a point in my life where I feel life is just too short to waste time with people I am not emotionally connected with. I wonder if that’s “normal” or even “okay”…. I’m not sure about that part but I do know I don’t think that doing it (erasing those who annoy you) out is a normal act for most people? But, I could be wrong? I don’t know?
I think it’s just I don’t know how to deal with people. Trying to be nice I find is very tiring it. It feels very fake to me. I’m not saying I am a 24/7 bitch. But in the end I wouldn’t say I am the sweetest girl ever. I struggle with that some days. I think apart of me is envious of that trait. The other part of me screams it’s just not who you are.
I feel like in our society that if you are not one way you are wrong. If I am at times a depressing, some times unhappy, grouchy at times, and not always pleasant to be around this means I must change. I wonder why it has been just one personality and why mine must be wrong. Why must positive be the only feeling we should be feeling? I dunno. Not saying I want to walk around with rain clouds and if I do people should like it.
But more so, I wish more people would just respect me for being me. I don’t have started to lose in me the willingness to want to argue. More times than not I will stop it dead in its tracks after a few words, tap out and say I’m done because really for me it’s draining. Like ruin my day, I have a headache draining. I just don’t enjoy it as odd as it may sound.
I don’t enjoy debating but will say I am horrible at trying to not have the last word, but even then at times I am finding more and more where I bite my tongue say something vague like okay, that’s your opinion or things like well it’s your opinion and this is mine and leaving it at that. I don’t want to continue. As hard as it is to walk away slowly I have been. If someone doesn’t get the point. Good bye.
I have four kids at home that argue enough. I as the adult of the house really don’t want to. I want some damn peace which I freaking hard to come at these days. I am so tired of being politically correct, worrying about others feelings, trying to be who I am not, all to please other people. I am tired. It’s draining. Like me, then like me if you don’t then don’t… Go. Leave, it’s okay we are both better off.