So one of my struggles in this whole start up has been working out.  Heck, I won’t even go that far the struggle has been wanting to do any of this all over again.  It’s kind of like love.  You keep putting your heart out on the line and yet you keep getting shot down.

Usually in this case when we do this we do one of two main things.  Keep going or give up.  I am not exactly in a position to give up.  I have 5 other beings that need me here.  So, we know that keep going is the only option I have to now get myself in gear to do this.

Not being exactly motivated to do this journey does have it’s obstacles.  I am quite curious to see how far this can go on being more determined vs motivated?  My theory will be hopefully I will do better.  Again like love motivation comes and goes.  But determination, that’s something you have to seek to keep.  It’s with in you.  You do it even on the days you want to give up.

So it’s all like love.  I never realized that much before.  I didn’t really understand the full feelings for food thing.  I know that I have emotionally eaten.  While, I do love the taste of food, I don’t LOVE food.  But the journey is still much like love.  You have ups and downs, highs and lows.  You have loss and gains. You have days where you are so happy and others where you say why me.

This journey is a fight, a struggle, something you have to be determined to do or you will lose the battle.  Giving up will never make you a winner.  EVER! It’s a process.  You have to accept the process.  Like I have accept sometimes I just won’t be thinking.  You will get something and be like crap! I was eating better today.  But hey that’s okay.  It’s ONE meal.

Yesterday at work we had cake.  For hours I thought about this cake.  I thought to myself am I weak if I eat this?  Would I be going against myself?  In that moment I decided that no, I will not deprive myself.  I can have cake.  And I did.  I had a small piece and walked away.  The cake is here today too.  But today I don’t need cake.  And that’s my CHOICE.

In love I have a choice.  I have many choices.  This will have to be my new love…. I have to find a way to fall in love with this process.  I don’t know how right now.  I haven’t even got the courage to step foot back into a gym NOR figured out when I can go and how to fit that too into my life.  But like before I will find a way.

Just with exercise the same goes for diet.  Aside from those two things it’s myself.  I have to learn that I am important.  I do matter.  I have know that when I see myself looking different.  I FEEL myself looking different that it’s not an obtainable dream.  It just can’t be.  Who is really trapped in a fat suit?  I mean it feels like I am but I have to do something to break free out of it.  I refuse to accept this is my destiny.