I wasn’t sure at first what to name this post because when I write I just write on the top of my head. So my title tends to be first and I write from there. At first I thought i would write about fat shaming but that didn’t really fit because I wanted to really address skinny shaming too. However, that name didn’t work either because the post wasn’t really going to be about skinny shaming fully either!
So then I realized what do these two have in common? They are both a form of body shaming! Perfect! So, check on title…. Now to write all my thoughts, which mind you, probably will be all over the place because I feel my writing always is.
So let’s talk about it. Let’s talk about body shaming.
I have been reading a lot of articles lately about skinning shaming. I will be the first to admit that I too had my own thoughts of “skinny girls”. Now, I put that in quotes because the thing is, what is skinny to me may not be to you and vice versa. For me, like most people, I have an idea of what lets say the “perfect” body is.
Ya know, that body type where you know that person has it made? And ya know what? They just might. While, (as I read in a previous article) they may never face any of the struggles that I have ever faced and they have more privileges than I do, I am not winning any battles by shaming them either for something that well, they were born with OR something they fought to have!
I have been currently obsessed with the song All about the bass…. Like seriously, this song plays in my head over and over all day long. I have a small obsession for it. But at first, I wasn’t sure about it because I feared my new favorite song may offend my skinny or no “bass” friends.
Am I telling them that their men won’t love them as much if they don’t have much booty to rub at night? Or will they be upset because I called them a skinny bitch that “I know you think you’re fat but I am here to tell you every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top”? I mean the last phrase was positive right?
I am constantly trying to be that person that is aware of others and their feelings. I just don’t want to hurt others. I have had too many people in my life hurt mine and I just don’t want to continue that trend!
So I have learned to be more aware. But here is the thing if you want me to be completely and perfectly honest yes, I do feel like this world is more difficult being fat. And yes, I have had my fair share of hating on skinny girls.
I forever will want to slap my old skinny self for ever calling myself fat when I damn sure was NOT! I think it’s almost an insult to fat people. Because to a fat person it’s you saying, oh, tell me how non fat I am. But with that said what I failed to see just as I did, that bad body image is not size prejudiced. Any person of any size can be a victim.
But yes, sometimes I feel that skinnier people face less crap than fat people!
Phew, there, I said it!
Does that mean I don’t think people of other shapes and sizes don’t have it hard? No, not at all actually. Just I have been on both sides, I have been smaller (but not what I consider skinny but not fat either) and I am much larger.
I got to see a little bit of what both worlds are like. While, I can’t contest to those who are the smaller scale (lets say below the “average”) I hate saying words like “super skinny” but I am sure you get my drift, I do also think their fight must be much like mine.
Both of us have problems finding clothes in our size, clothes that fit right with out a need of alteration, both have people who say rude things, both can have the opposite sex turn away from us, both feel like they should be mindful of what they eat in front of people, and both can feel like an outcast. Not “normal”.
While, yes, models can get by being a 100lbs and 5’9 an average woman who are that small would get ridiculed her whole life with very inappropriate comments. I never really understood this world until I had friends who were much smaller than I was. I envied them for so long but as I get older I am seeing this shift.
This shift that they are not pretty, they are too small, need meat on their bones, and all these comments I think to myself; it’s a damned if you do and damned if you don’t situation. It seems unless you have that in between body you are just not good enough.
We are both being body shamed!
If you were to ask me what I felt were my limitations vs a skinny person. How I felt almost disabled to the world as a larger woman I would say that:
- Jobs seem harder to get
- People try not to look at you and when they do it’s almost as if they are disgusted by you
- Amusement parks are terrifying because you fear you won’t be able to ride the rides because you can’t fit or meet weight limits. In fact anything with a weight limit is scary
- You calculate your weight and the type of chairs you sit in. And fear them because if one breaks as a skinny person it’s funny because the chair broke if you break a chair as a fat person is “obvious” your fat ass broke it and now your weight is a joke even if that’s not exactly why the chair broke!
- Exercise is embarrassing for many reasons one being fat likes to bounce EVERYWHERE!
- When you do exercise and you are slow you are now considered “weak” and “too fat” when in reality I am strong because it’s hard to move 300lbs you asshole!
- I am embarrassed for my children, I fear their friends will make fun of me around them and how that will effect them.
- I fear my body will cause my daughters to worry about their weight, suffer eating disorders or fear to be like me.
- Clothes are SO hard to buy, expensive and tend to look like something you would wear to bed. I don’t get all these sheer fabrics (seriously this does nothing for my figure) or clothing that sticks to you. I swear fat people don’t make these clothing lines it’s obvious!
- Wearing a bathing suit is like putting a big sign on yourself saying hey, look at this fat person in a suit and don’t you dare wear anything that shows skin or that’s just asking for people to make sure they know just how disgusted they are by you.
- And omg wedding dress shopping out side of say a Davids Bridal seems like a nightmare! While yes, skinny girls don’t always fit and have to pin the dress to the back I went to stores that didn’t even have dresses I could try on at all. At least the latter could get an idea I had to guess!
I seriously could go on and on but the thing is I learned this past week actually, was that some of those things I caused MYSELF.
What I didn’t know was that sometimes taking charge and being confident gives you a shield. A body shaming shield. It’s amazing. When people see you feeling pretty, you wear clothing that makes you feel good, and you present yourself in a confident manner people welcome you.
I learned that being fat didn’t mean I couldn’t be attractive or that people couldn’t see past it. While, I still have limitations I control much of what people think of me still in many ways. Confidence no matter you size is attractive to people.
But here is the thing, we are never going to move forward as people (woman AND men) if we don’t stop shaming bodies. Big OR small! Yes, health is always a factor. But who are you or any one else to tell me what is beautiful and that I’m not? Who is anyone to tell me I can only be beautiful if I look like “insert size here”? Who is anyone to tell me what my body should really look like?
We have become so obsessed with looks that sometimes I feel it’s all we care about. Yes, looks play a role! I know this will probably always be. Yes, when I put on make up and dress nice I get better responses than when I wear sweats. No doubt, that’s true. But I think sometimes it’s not just because I have make up on or a dress but more so because I look like I am happier too.
I think how you feel radiates off of you. I have seen plenty big woman who I have envied were wearing nice clothing, had nice make up, pretty hair and were flat-out beautiful, smart, fun woman. And I thought, why can’t I be like that. Confident in my own skin and that’s what hit me.
No matter your size we HAVE to be comfortable in our skin. This is a challenge for those who have been body shamed. How do I change all those bad thoughts other people have put into my head? Society tells me that my weight is unhealthy, that I am a risk, that I am not beautiful at this size. How can one then turn around and say yeah, well I am beautiful so what of it?
Where is the line? Why can’t I love myself big? Why can’t it be maybe I am trying to lose weight because I want to live longer? Because I know the weight is bad for my body BUT that weight doesn’t make me a bad person. Doesn’t mean I am not beautiful and what my body does is not beautiful. Why does being big have to mean that I too must be ugly, lazy and shameful?
Because the fact is if someone shamed you all the time you wouldn’t find you very beautiful either. In fact you would do one of two things, 1. wallow in pity and continue what you are doing and feel bad about yourself and feel helpless or 2. you will do what ever possible to be accepted even if it’s not healthy. Because that’s what it all comes down to is acceptance!
We all want to be accepted! So why not?
Today I want you to challenge yourself and try to see people for just who they are not just the outside. Look at them and find something positive about them and then tell them. Don’t be so quick to judge, we don’t know each person story and struggles. Don’t assume you know either. Just ask yourself with your thoughts, “how would I feel if someone said or thought this of me”? Try to put yourself in their shoes. Take some time to talk to people of all walks of life. There is so much more to people than the shell of body you see!
I challenge you to see past someone’s body and get to know the person inside! Let’s stop the body shamming of any size!