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meSo I am making my new years resolution early… Who says you have to wait until January to turn a new leaf?

So as I mentioned on Wednesday when I posted about my experience on the radio show and how it inspired me to really try to learn to love myself, I have been doing a lot of thinking.

I had to figure out what that really meant for me?  I mean, I will admit at this size it’s very hard for me to look at myself and think I am a pretty woman.  It’s hard to look at my body and think I look “okay”.

Because,  for the longest time I really felt like I didn’t look okay.  Society has told me to shame myself for the way my body looks and I was dumb enough to believe it.

Now, I am not saying I should ignore my health.  FAR from it.  What I am saying is, I should learn to love me at the size I am already.  That means loving ALL of me.  Boy, will this be hard!

I am going to challenge myself to do things in a more positive light.  I want to see just how much weight there is in this whole  “loving your self stuff”.  Will I become skinny?  I don’t now?  But that’s not the objective here.

I have spent the past two years of my life in misery and disappointment.  I have felt like a huge a failure to the point I just wanted to give up on me.  That’s not okay!

I can’t live my life worrying about just my weight.  While it’s a factor and always will be there, it is no reason for life to stop because of it.  D and I even talked about getting rid of the scale last night.

We both have focused so much on numbers these past two years, I think it’s slowly driving us insane.  From counting calories to watching those numbers change daily on the scale.  It’s just for me no way to live.

So back to the challenge:

  1. I am going to start becoming more fashionable.  This one is hard for me because I feel I have NO sense of fashion.  I also have put off buying any clothes because I didn’t want to accept my size. Truth is, as I get smaller those clothes can always be sold but doesn’t mean I can’t look decent in the process.  So each paycheck I will grant myself an outfit/article of clothing just something even an accessory.  Anything that will help me feel good about me!
  2. No more focusing on numbers.  My job is to learn to continue to make better choices.
  3. Exercise weekly because it makes me feel good and it’s good for my heart.  Even on the days I just don’t wanna.
  4. Every month do something fun.  I feel I never have fun at times.  Money can be so tight and sometimes I forget you don’t need a lot of money to have fun just good company which I have 🙂
  5. Smile MORE… I have to learn to lighten up.  Sometimes I can be so serious that I forget to enjoy life.  And that’s what this is all about.  Me enjoying my life no matter my size.  Life is just too short to worry about your shoulda coulda woulda’s…. I control my emotions!

I hope each week (which will mostly be every two weeks at payday) I will show you what new thing I bought myself.  So expect to see some changes.  Remember this blog isn’t just about weight loss it’s about my journey and people seeing more of me than just my size.

I think to accomplish that I need to see there is more to me than just my size!