I haven’t blogged much lately partially because I have been busy and because I haven’t had a ton to say.  PMS has totally kicked in so I am pretty moody so instead of a post of talking for paragraphs I thought I would some sentences of some things that have been going through my mind lately.

1.  While, I know that the scale officially hates me during PMS I made the mistake to weigh today and got ticked and ate a horrible breakfast.

2.  I am terrified of losing a ton of weight and suffering with tons of loose skin.  With my blood disorder surgery may not be an option while vain it weighs on my mind.

3.  I am so freaking sore today and kind of don’t want to go to class because of it.

4.  I wonder if I will ever work out and NOT be sore!  Not being able to walk from pain isn’t a soreness I feel I can embrace well.

5.  Friday night I had a great training session with a personal trainer (the ones from the gym) and I rocked it and still pretty proud of it.

6.  More than ever I am amazed at how far my breathing has come from a year in a half ago since my clots.

7.  I do more now with work outs and eating than I ever have and yet I remain to be the heaviest I ever have been.

8.  Sometimes I wonder if I am just making excuses

9.  While other times I feel so strongly something is wrong but just afraid of being wrong.

10.  I fear dying and being big.  It’s funny it’s not really the fact of dying because I am big but more so dying before I reached my goal if that makes sense.

11.  I totally hate PMS

12.  My appointment with the specialist is in 24 days and I can’t wait.  But have a small fear I will be ignored.

13.  I have been thinking a lot again about my goal to be a midwife and wondering when in my life that will be possible.

14.  I secretly would love to teach a fitness class and think I could be good at it

15.  I am super sleepy today

What are some things on your mind today?