Like seriously?  I am so sick of being fat.  I think to a point it becomes an obsession.  I look constantly at what other people eat, how they eat, how often they eat, what they don’t eat, how they exercise, how much they exercise…

It honestly gets draining.  The hardest part about this journey has been making it my own.  I see stories all the time of people eating less and exercising and just shedding off the pounds and I want to pull my freaking hair out and scream I WANT THAT TO BE ME!

I get pissed, and upset……

I keep looking for that special formula… the little blue pill.  Oh, how I wish there was a freaking little blue pill!  Something that I can do that will work and I can feel like I have accomplished SOMETHING!  I’m starting to feel like a big fat LOSER man… I mean come on!

Each day I chug along, some days obviously better than others.  Some days I am like I am giving it all other days I know I could give more.

It’s funny but at the same time I realize my food obsession.   When people talk about food being their friend apart of me feels a little weird. Like I picture someone like at the swing set swinging with another swing next to them and a tub of ice cream on the swing and the person is like ubber happy…

It hits me the other night my actual LOVE for food.  Okay, so I knew I liked food.  I mean it’s food what’s there not to like about it?  Except nasty food, there is plenty to not like about nasty food.  But we are not talking about nasty food here.

So D tends to get on this kick of watching documentaries and now it’s the new revaluation and I am left with yeah well, I’m still eating bacon. 😛 Anyways, so recently once again he is talking about juicing.  Now don’t get me wrong, I think there is a ton of benefits to juicing.

However, I really don’t want to drink like 15 cups of juice and then eat fruit all day everyday… I just really, honestly, doesn’t sound very appetizing.  I mean, I am all for weight loss but there are some things where I have put the brakes on and say what?

So yeah, he is like all about it. Besides the fact it’s like ubber expensive and we like don’t have a juicer what makes me laugh and probably cry at the same time was one of my first thoughts where “I can’t juice, I don’t want to take away the one thing that makes me feel good“.

ah, crap!  I done did it.  Fat mistake 101 I have compared food with a feeling.  Food lovers anonymous here I come.  Fine, yes I do feel happier when I eat at times.  A full belly is a happy one. Or so they say.

It doesn’t have to be horrible foods.  I mean I can chow down on some steamed broccoli like no ones business… So I’m not talking just crap food here.  I mean I don’t eat pounds and pounds of fried chicken or something.  Mmmm fried chicken…. anyway

So yeah, it hit me…. I like food… okay fine, I love food.  There!  I said it,  I do.  I love all kinds of food.  I don’t want to give up eating.  I mean come on even babies get sick of just milk after they have some table food doesn’t that tell you something!  Food kinda rocks.

But what’s sad was it made me sad at the thought of not eating foods.  As if I was losing a friend or something.  I mean I love me some ice cream but lets face it they are not good conversation starters or anything.  I wondered if apart of my issues is that I fear not eating.  You would think I was starved as a child or something?

Or “missing out“?  How odd is that?  Or not normal?  I guess eating food is normal but you know what I mean.  Why should I care if I eat differently than other people other than it’s hard to go out and I guess eat that way.  But you get my drift.

I don’t know but it was an interesting moment.

As I do these boot camp classes.  Eat my veggies like a good little big girl should I just can’t help but still be so frustrated by this whole process.  I think there needs to be an easy button for weight loss… Damn you whatever office store that is.

So I ask you what has been your biggest struggle in weight loss or our fitness journey AND what was your most recent revaluation about yourself that you have had?

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