IMG_7875Every time I get back on track I feel this small glimmer of hope.  Hope, that this time will work.  Sometimes I hope that I am just wrong and it’s me while other times I am disappointed in myself if it were.

Then it hit me this morning that maybe it is still both my body and me?  I mean we all know just how much what you eat effects your body.  How just changing how you eat can reverse or change many things that my be wrong with your body.

Like diabetes.  Diet is a huge part of controlling, managing and sometimes the key to getting out of being a diabetic (if you are type 2 that is).  There are many things one can do to treat things with foods that don’t require meds.

Of course not knowing exactly what caused me to get here is still a bit of an annoyance but I can’t focus on that right now.  That’s for the doctors to keep looking into.  Sometimes I fear if I get smaller than they won’t think about it anymore and what if whatever it is, is still there?

But then I think of how if it is being smaller maybe then they will listen since by all means they can’t accuse my fat for it.  I feel like I owe it to myself though to just push through this.  Do everything I know how.  Arm myself with as much information that I can.

Eventually something has to work or be found.

So yesterday was a good day.  I won’t lie I wasn’t excited grocery shopping and I bought two weeks worth of food… Hope it all lasts lol.  I got a lot of veggies that I can freeze and such so it’s all good.  All foods bought were either a meat or a veggie.

I didn’t even buy crap for the kids.  I think yogurt was the only thing I bought that wasn’t a meat or veggie.  But I don’t consider yogurt crap so it’s all good :).

I also worked out last night for the first time in a while.  I don’t actually remember when I went to the gym last ( a few weeks ago maybe?).  I seriously have to figure out PMS because I don’t care when it hits.

It’s amazing how my mind changes and its hard to change it back.  Like seriously hard.  I don’t even see it until I am “normal’ again and then I am like wtf!  It’s almost like having another personality I think sometimes.

So anyways, I am trying hard to work hard this week…. Ovulation sound be on it’s away around Monday I think if I can make it through PMS for the next three months I might be able to fight it lol.  I don’t know it was a thought.

Either way I am working hard this week in hopes I will as well next.  Tonight’s agenda boot camp class with D.  Now D has already taken this class.  Most classes we take don’t seem to affect him much.  But this one he said kicked his butt.  Now I am thinking if it is kicking his butt I’m scared! lol

But hey why not.  It’s just an hour and worth a shot.  Plus I saw girls bigger than me there yesterday during the class so hey, if they can so can I!  Granted they don’t have the whole breathing issue but I haven’t really let that stop me from trying the classes before.

I will keep you guys updated tomorrow on how it went! 🙂