I know, I know I’m quiet.  Of course this always usually means nothing good.  I have eating great?  No not really, exercised not at all.  Do I have excuses? Sure, plenty but probably not enough to say I couldn’t squeeze at least 20 minutes everyday to do something.  So I won’t go there and explain all the reasons I felt it was okay to not work out even if they felt like good reasons.

I am still not weighing in for now and I will admit at this point it’s become a scare because now I fear to step on lmbo.  I think in some ways the scale holds me accountable.  But right now given all my efforts I am waiting for my appointment in a couple of weeks.

I am not going all nuts food wise though please don’t get me wrong.  I eat when I am hungry and don’t when I am not.  We have eating out a couple of times but the were planned and one of those was our date night.  So it’s to be expected.  Clothes still fit the same so I am guessing I am maintaining?

I am just hoping for answers on the 23rd.  Well, I know I won’t get them ON the 23rd but I am hoping that appointment will spark SOMETHING.  If it doesn’t.  I have to say I really don’t know where to go from here?  Surgery really doesn’t seem to be much of an option due to my clotting disorder and past Pulmonary Embolisms.  So that’s out.

Eating well and exercise doesn’t seem to be doing much either…. I really feel a tad bit hopeless if this doesn’t do anything once again.  There has to be something.  I mean losing weight can be hard don’t get me wrong but it shouldn’t be THIS hard especially those first X amount of pounds ya know?

I feel like a failure in this journey at times.  When I started this blog I really wanted to inspire people.  I thought this would help change my life.  While, I won’t lie blogging has changed my life in ways I never expected.  One being is to really learn to accept myself for who I am.  This is a daily struggle.  I have learned that everyone has their own journey and what works for one may not another.

I also learned that health issues totally effect weight.  I didn’t think about it much before.  When I was heavier (we are talking 180-220) range I knew I could lose the weight as long as my thyroid was normal.  Now not even that saves me.  I know this isn’t me just getting old and if it is getting old SUCKS!  But in all seriousness I KNOW something is wrong.

I have tried to fool myself for so long thinking it wasn’t but there is something there we just haven’t found it.  It’s been that way the past 3 years from the clots, the edema, my daughter’s pregnancy.  In every situation I had to prove doctors wrong.  Doctors who all told me I was “normal”.  I know my body.  I know what’s normal and what isn’t.  I wish sometimes doctors would really consider that.

Instead of being so gun ho on what they think they know maybe, listen to what your patient is telling you about THEIR body.  The body they have had for how many years?  I think if anyone is an expert on what’s normal for them it would be the one in that body all these years.  ya know?

Anyways, I just wanted you guys to know I’m still here 🙂 Hopefully soon thinks will change.  I hope everyone is having a good week.

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