I watched this video and it compelled me to write today. I haven’t really wanted to write in days. But this video touched me. It did so because I could relate in so many ways.
One things I have noticed since becoming “morbidly obese” is the fact that for me people have stopped staring and if they do I don’t really notice. In fact what I have noticed is how people have stopped LOOKING.
It’s obvious. When I was even a size 16 people noticed me. I was still considered Obese but I didn’t look “bad” I was still attractive. I just looked like a curvy girl. But at 300lbs you are not longer really “curvy”.
Now I saw this vid on FB, I then searched for the guy on youtube and found it to share with you guys. Now the comments on the page I found this on got to me. I wanted to touch today my point of view of those comments.
1. If you don’t like it so much then do something about it?
This is probably one of the most common questions overweight people get. My question back to them what makes you think they never have?
What if they were doing something and it wasn’t working for them? Because the thing is you can’t see what they have done and haven’t. In fact studies have shown time and time again those who “diet” and I say diet in the form of a temporary thing tend to gain even MORE weight than before. So imagine how many “diets” how many times that person tried “something”.
2. Why don’t you get off your ass? Exercise? Eat Better?
This is logical but still very much mental. Let me for a moment allow you to imagine if say walking for you didn’t feel like it does for someone overweight. Do you normally walk with weights weighing about a hundred pounds or more when you walk?
No, you don’t. Well, guess what movement is alot easier when your smaller! It’s not because you were stronger, it’s because the weight holds down the body and puts pressure on the heart. It can at times physically HURT. It can make your heart feel like it’s being squeezed and you can’t breathe. Not being able to breathe is no fun and NOT easy.
If every time you moved it hurt, you couldn’t breathe, would you want to keep doing it?
Or lets talk the double standards. Lets talk food. Do you get how mentally screwed up it is to see PLENTY of skinny people eat the SAME foods you do and they are not fat? In fact they can eat them with out people commenting how they shouldn’t. But we do. I know skinny people who can out eat me. Who over eat, who are still skinny. Boy does that blow you psychologically.
We don’t look at the college guy wasting away a whole pizza and plus some but we are quick to tell the fat guy can’t have a slice he needs a salad. Shouldn’t both guys need a salad? Why just him?
3. You must not want it bad enough?
This comment is what makes you feel like a failure. Have you ever wanted something really, really bad and you just couldn’t get it. I consider myself a realist. I don’t believe in the “anything you put your mind to you can have”. Because I don’t think logical. There is always limitations. You might find a substitute and have something close but there are some things in your day and time you just may never get.
People die everyday for things they wish they could have had. Does it mean they wanted it any less? The cancer kid who is dying who doesn’t want cancer does he not want it gone bad enough? This quote is suppose to be uplifting but it’s not not logical for every, single, thing. Instead of telling people what you think is the “simple solution” maybe realize we are all different.
Maybe the things that worked for you, someone you know or what you have been told isn’t what works for someone else. Maybe, that someone hasn’t found the answers yet.
Weight gain is very much mental. It’s why surgery doesn’t always work. Because it’s not even about over eating. I think people have this idea if you are grossly overweight that eat tons and tons of food at a setting. While I have met people who do this it’s not true for everyone.
Sometimes it’s the foods that are being consumed. There are plenty of foods very high in calories in smaller portions. Or maybe the person is a snacker and they just snack ALOT all day long. (This a lot of people regain after surgery they eat small because they have to but they more frequently).
The theory of a small meals don’t always still work lol you still have calories to consider.
The fact of the matter there are a ton of reasons why someone is overweight just like there are a ton of reasons why someone is skinny…. Someone is skinny because they eat well, they have a high metabolism, they have thyroid condition that makes it where they can’t gain weight, they don’t eat much, they starve themselves, they have an eating disorder, or maybe, they eat in moderation.
Being skinny doesn’t equal healthy, doesn’t mean someone is doing something “right”. Just their problem is being masked by weight. YOU can’t see why they are skinny so why do you assume you can see why I am fat?
Because let me tell you like this man said it’s not just the fact he likes food a lot of us like food. He hasn’t figured out what has caused him to do what he does and his body to react the way it has. He has to find what the formula to his weight gain is and fix THAT first. THEN he can focus on the rest. Until you can fix WHY you are the way you are you can’t change the way you are!
The purpose I believe of his video was that it’s still not okay to judge us. To think you know us. To think you know why we are the way we are. To assume. It’s not okay to think if you make us feel bad we will do what you think we should do. Because I ask you does it make you want to do things if someone did it to you?
I remember when I was with my ex husband, back then I was MUCH smaller than now. This was after I had my babies he shuttered seeing my body. Physically shuttered. My body grossed him out.
To this day even though I have been divorced from this man for 7 years and with a man who devourers me over a 100lbs bigger still hurts my heart. He too thought if I knew how disgusted he was of my body I would change it but in reality all it did was make me more depressed and hate myself more.
He now is no longer the skinny man he once was and struggles to stay so. Though by all means is not like me. Still he too has changed.
Karma’s a bitch so they say. Treat others the way you would want to be treated. Know at the end of the day this body isn’t just a big blob of fat. It’s a human being with feelings. If anything please respect at least that. Don’t judge for what you see. Learn the person who is inside.