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my body

Yes this is MY body

I am constantly conflicted on how I am supposed to feel about my body.  Why I have negative thoughts about my body and if I should?

I wonder?  Am I brain washed?  Has society told me that my body isn’t good enough?  That it’s not acceptable?  Gross? That I should in fact WANT to change it?

As little girls body image is all around us. From our Barbie dolls to the magazines we read.  At an early age you begin to notice others.  Anything different is outcasted and wrong.  You begin to wonder, why me? Why did I have to be different?  Why can’t I be like them?

I always envied those who were a little different.  Who could color their hair pink and they didn’t care…  Who put together outfits that were not exactly the norm.  I spend most of my life just trying to blend in.  To not be the center of attention because I think apart of me feels I’m not good enough.  I’m not pretty enough… I will just be made fun of.
Pink Hair

I have struggled with how I should feel about my body.  I have struggled with the idea of loving my body as it is.  I just can’t.  I can’t look at my body and love it. There are features I love of course, but I just can’t look at me and feel pretty.  Feel confident.  At the same time I feel in awe at how amazing my body still is even with the imperfections.

Why?  Why has this fixation of being “thin” make me feel anything less?  Am I better woman because I am thinner?  No, I don’t honestly think so.  Obviously, I want to be healthy and I think healthy comes in many shapes and forms.  But really, I want to be *that* person.  Who can be confident respectfully and no I am not talking about the 300 pound girl who can wear a tub top and cut off shorts and hit the mall…  I still like class (again even that’s still a judgement).

But it’s everywhere.  You can’t escape it.  What is right?  Am I wrong to not love this body?  Am I vain for wanting to change it?  I look at other women and I can see beauty in them.  But I can’t in myself.

I get angry when I see other women judging each other.  I think a skinny person can struggle just as much as an overweight one.  Just because our struggles may be different it still doesn’t mean there isn’t a struggle and that it’s hard.  Why do we feel the need to put our opinions on others?

Why do we feel a need to look at others and judge.  I shouldn’t have to think twice about my order at a restaurant in fear of someone thinking “see, that’s why she is fat”.   The same for a skinny person with people assuming they never eat OR need to eat.  Why do we do this?  And why do I care what others really think?

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How do we break this cycle.  How do we unwash what’s be done?  How do we reprogram ourselves and when is okay to say this isn’t okay?  When should one NOT (if at all) want to look like they do?  Who is anyone to say what is attractive and what is not?

There is so much pressure I think being a woman.  From trying to look good so your man doesn’t see you as anything less, to how the corporate world views you down to your children… I want to be a good role model for my children.  I want their lives to be focused more about being healthy then just numbers including sizes.

Why must we hold beauty on a pedal stool.  When did beauty beat the actions of man?  Why do we justify the things we do to ourselves in order to look good?  How can we tell when we really should actually change IF we should at all?

Am I wrong for not loving my body, my whole body as it is? Am I just brain washed to believe I shouldn’t?  When is there a point to where we shouldn’t be okay with how we look?

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I struggle with these thoughts often… So I ask you.  Do you love your body?

 Why or why not?

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