Maybe it’s hormones?  Maybe it’s not but lately I have been feeling a need for a change.  A BIG change.  At least big for me.  See I live online it seems.  I mean I am not as bad as some people.  Like when Derrick gets home I devote the rest of my day to family time.

But I have found that lately I am longing for something else.  I noticed I don’t do nearly as much as I use to when my other three were small (like keeping up with the house better).  Since my older kids help with the house I think this has also made me more lazy too! lol

I feel like I have to be an example to my kids.  How can I expect my kids to do things that I’m not doing myself.  So I thought to myself what is stopping me?  The answer is social media.  I am so wrapped up in things like FB that I get sucked in.  I find myself on it while working (which isn’t hard since I work from home)….

I find that I get so sucked into it that I don’t even really see people in real life much anymore.  Years ago things like FB (well actually then it was message boards, then myspace and now FB) were great for someone like me who has social anxieties.  I don’t really do well in social situations and become quiet the crab.

I also noticed I compare myself ALOT online.  I can of course do this outside of FB but I have started to really wonder if the people I have on my FB really are people who are in my life.  Meaning do these people really care?

I know apart of this is my insecurities but sometimes it’s hard to “read” people.  anyways, I feel a need for change.  I need to be able to just get off the darn computer and move.  Clean my house, go outside, play with the kids have a life out side social media!

While it has it’s pro’s I am getting too many con’s.  I tried to deactivate my account that lasted 2 days.  It’s too easy for me to just get back on.  So I thought it would have to be permanent   because that’s how I am.  If you give me a little I take too much!  But can one really live with out FB (sad to say that huh?).

I mean I know a few that don’t have pages at all.  I worried would I still be able to stay in touch with friends?  It’s sad to me that I have to think like that now days.  That we don’t even know now that our phones were once used so we could TALK like speak to our friends and others?  Not to input information through a screen ya know?

I didn’t want to just delete a ton of people and cause hurt feelings.  A big part of me feels if people really are my friends, they know my number and how to get a hold of me.  I do fear this will backfire and I will become more recluse as well.  What does a girl do? ya know?

How do I become more social when I don’t really even like people lol???? I don’t know.   I told my bestie about what I plan to do and she supported me.  Agreed she too has a lot of the same problems.  She is much better than I on managing her online time though (can you say “you have no self control misty?”).

I don’t want to do anything haste though because I do know I am PMS like BAD and my hormones are all over the place.  I may get AF and feel differently.  Which btw can get here now!  She was here on the 2nd last month so yeah lets get a move on here.  I am just looking for close geniwine friendships and feel like FB ones seem to be kind of fake… Just a bunch of people who like your posts but still have no clue who you are?  It gets to the point of what’s the point?

I have to focus on me in this journey.  I plan to still have this blog and plan to maybe have a new FB for just friends and to be able to keep my FB page for this blog going as well.  But other than that I’m done with all the fluff!

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