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I dream myself thinner, I feel myself thinner but when I look in the mirror I don’t see myself thinner.  It’s amazing how sometimes it seems like a surprise when you see yourself.  As if the mirror in front of you is lying to your face.

How?  How could I be this big?  How do these jeans I am wearing fit, those panties I am folding are almost too small and yet I hold them up think no way I am big enough to wear these, but, I do.  It’s a hard thing to accept.

Harder to accept sometimes, that one day, you could be skinny too.  That one day you could have a body you never dreamed of.  Or feel any differently then you ever have before.  Sometimes, it feels defeating, impossible, or like a dream.

However, lately I can SEE me thinner.  Know, my ultimate goal is to be healthy if that means healthy with a little chub still attached I have accepted that.  I have had four babies, I don’t expect a perfect body.  However, I see the possibility and that is a bit refreshing.

Don’t get me wrong the negative thought of you will be fat forever haunts me still but for the most part I am trying to shove some carrots or something in that mouth lol.  Shut up you!  Who do you think you are?  You don’t know MY future.

Each month, each week, heck each day is a journey.  One, I am bound to figure out and come out better for in the end.