I know the simple solution to sweets is to just not buy them.  But oh, how they taste just sooo good!  I am not a huge fan of substitutes because I fear that they are not any “better”.  Diet Dr. Pepper is about as good as it gets for me when it comes to substitutes.  The funny thing is, despite all the studies, I do BETTER when I drink diet drinks!

Why?  Because for me they are my sweets.  I was drinking 1 to 2 a day and doing well (as you saw before I at least had a 1lb loss weekly) and then I stopped.  I found instead of turning to my diet drink I just substituted with other sweets instead.  I am beginning to wonder if I need to just add the drinks back in, I mean everyone’s body is different right?

Last night indulge/sabotage was cookies, I saw a link for cookies on FB and then everyone in the house wanted cookies, and I thought cookies sound good.  See things like cookies are not bad IMO if I have like 1… But it’s like a bag of chips who can have JUST one…. Not I….

I have more this afternoon then I would like to admit.  However, of course in return I get mad at myself thinking girl, you totally know better than this!  You can do better.  You wouldn’t let your kids have that many, why, would you do that to yourself then?

Can we say no self-control….. I haven’t doubted that apart of my issues have been my own.  I already know this.  I was a “bigger” girl for bigger I mean in the 170 – 200 range before the fluid issues started.  What makes the health issues a factor now is when I do put in that 100% its like 10 times harder to lose.  I think I am frustrated at the thought of all the work.

I won’t lie I am the type that sometimes just gives up if it feels impossible.  When I started this it didn’t feel too impossible.  I thought I will show them that something is wrong, them meaning the doctors.  They will do whatever doctors do and find whatever it was that was stopping my progress.

So when that didn’t happen I got upset.  It was a road block in my journey.  I regressed to being a small child.  Just threw a tantrum and said fine, then I don’t wanna.  Why put in so much effort if I get nothing in return?

But the thing I keep forgetting is I can’t see the future.  I don’t know if I WON’T get anything in return.  I have no clue if in a few months from now I will be able to be heard.  OR if just something will just work, who knows.  I cannot allow the unknown to control my life in what I can and will do.

I won’t lie Derrick and I are too different people.  He is the type that you can do ANYTHING and when I say anything he means ANYTHING if you want it, I am the type that says you can do stuff with in reason.  Like small person will probably never grow to 6ft.

I don’t even tell my kids that they can do anything they put their minds too, because I actually don’t believe the statements.  We fail all the time, we do because somethings we just are not meant to do.  I think some times we shoot for things that our not a possibility for us, so we have to go back to the drawing board and see what can be.

Like the small guy being tall, though he can never grow to 6 foot no matter how much he wants and puts his mind to it, BUT he can create something that will help him reach that potential (say he gets 5 foot stilts lol) I don’t know.  But my point is sometimes to get what we want, we sometimes have to improvise.  And sometimes, what we want isn’t always what we need.  (Is that song, you can’t always get what you want, but sometimes you get what you need).

I don’t know what the answers are just yet, how to get everything back to where it needs to be, how to click my mental thoughts back in check.  BUT I WILL keep trying, THAT I promise you.  In the mean time I will be here trucking along 🙂

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