I think knowing now that I will not any time soon get the support from the medical community has put me into a slump that and I have found that not blogging for the world to see has also made it difficult for me to hold myself accountable.

I had decided this week to work hard and just do this despite the results, basically with the hope I would still get results but after eating however, I wanted the past several weeks I have found it very difficult to get back on track!

Before I had motivation, it was simple… I was to prove the doctors wrong.  Now, I have no doctors at this time and place to prove wrong.  I fear I will do all this work with no to not much success and nowhere to turn to “fix it”.

It feels like the damned if you do and damned if you don’t situation.  It’s a very depressing feeling.  I mean this isn’t about a girl who just has had a “hard time” losing weight.  I mean I know the basics and the average person when they DO all the “right things” they WILL achieve weight loss.  By all means it is simple science right?

BUT for me even if was “that” simple… I know that science isn’t exactly the “right” formula for me to achieve the success I am seeking.  I NEED help!  What do you do when you can’t seek it?

I KNOW I can’t wallow in this, I KNOW I can’t give this a pass to do as I please…. I really do GET this.  BUT in the back of mind when you eat those good foods lets face it aside from the fact it’s suppose to make you healthier you do so for the results of the food.  When you can’t see the results of the food AND the exercise would YOU still want to do it?

I mean it’s like if you wanted to say to run, you kept trying but all you could do was walk.  You did everything you were told that would make you able to run but you can’t.  You push, you work, and yet you still can’t run.  How many people would continue to walk or try to run after a period of time?

You would lose confidence in yourself, and the running.  It would start to feel like an impossible feat.  Well, right now in this day this is how I feel…. I feel like I am in defeat with out someone who really cares to help figure out WHY my body is doing what it is doing and HOW to fix it.

There are so many judgments with overweight people, it’s like the poor.  People assume how so many people who are on assistance are “living it up” and how they are using YOUR money (quick political moment it stopped being YOUR money when the government got a hold of it and did what the government wanted to do with it and on top of that you have NO clue what YOUR money that you sent into went to pay for so hush it!). 

Anyways, assumptions… people assume that people don’t have the tools, the drive, the care, or the want to do better and have better.  It’s just simply NOT true.  While there ARE SOME who are like this so many I know ARE NOT!  Do you think people enjoy wearing clothing they know it’s not that flattering but it’s all that fits?

To not be able to do all you know you should be able to do?  It sucks to be tired, and to have to work twice as hard as someone else.  When people say oh look at them they are already to quit and they have barely done anything let me inform you remember how much you weigh and remember when you do that same workout all you are moving and using is your body weight (which is how many pounds?) !  Now imagine if you had to do your same workout with 2 to 3 times the weight you were using, let me then know how long YOU work out????

It’s HARD work some might say harder than even YOU workout.  So remember that when an overweight person is working out and looking as if they are going to die that this person may not be able to do nearly as much as you and it’s not just the fact they are out of shape but it’s hard work to move all that weight!  There is a reason why working out is so much easier the smaller you get.

Back to my point for I have gotten side tracked here, knowing all of this I just feel at a rut…. I know logically it makes sense to push forward, do all I know to do and just do it…. The lazy part of my mind is like but why???  Why put in all this work for what “feels” like nothing.  What I have to tell that part of me is just because I can’t see the results doesn’t mean there still isn’t any and in due time I WILL find that someone who will help me…..  In the mean time it’s still a struggle I just wish I could have that burn that desire back.  I feel like my hope has been lost and I