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I have been going back and forth in my head what I want out of this blog and this journey in general.  For a moment I got sucked in trying to learn how to turn this blog into a business.  While I am never opposed in learning to make money doing things I love, this wasn’t the intent of this blog!

I’m not saying that it wouldn’t be nice in the future to learn how to make money from my blogging, but it’s not my ultimate goal.  My goal of this blog was to document my eating, and weight so I can guard myself when the doctors are so quick to say my health issues are because of my weight.  I know deep down that isn’t the full truth BUT I knew I also needed proof.

After I started the journey I got sucked in and sucked in fast.  I started to try to lose weight (which don’t get me wrong is the goal as well) but then found myself discouraged when it wasn’t going the way I expected.  As I have mentioned many times how apart of me wanted to believe maybe I was wrong.

Deep down I think apart of me wanted to think as I started to lose some weight that it was just diet and exercise and that’s it.  Done! Now I can just focus on losing weight and the problem was solved!  However, that isn’t exactly what happened.

I wanted to take a month off of this but realized today that I can’t take a month off.  The whole purpose of this is to gain information so I can show doctors something isn’t quiet right and to keep them on top of it!  But the time off has helped me understand how I feel about this whole process.

With me “coming back” I am not saying that I don’t believe in what I wrote yesterday about living with out a scale, if I didn’t have health issues I would totally jump on that bandwagon.  I am not exactly friends with the scale in the first place.  I’m just saying that these are tools I should be using “right now”.

So after coming to this conclusion I jumped on the scale 280.4 is what it read.  That is exactly what it was 2 weeks ago.  (It showed 276 last week or so when I took a peek).  Now I can’t say that I ate great all week, I had a few too many cookies the other day, I won’t lie.  OR that the number isn’t right, at this point I honestly don’t know!

What I do know is that I really just want to know what is going on.  I want to be a success story for myself and yes, others.  I want to be happy and healthy.  I have decided that this weekend I WILL be joining a gym and I will just have to make myself go.  I have no other excuses.

This is my only life, my only chance, and I can’t play around with it.  If the doctors are not going to figure it out I will do what I can to figure it out for them.  (It wouldn’t be the first time).  I am my only advocate!

BUT I do have rules!  I can ONLY weigh in right now once a week, unless advised by a medical professional.  I currently last they checked have no fluid in my lungs so for now I will stick with once a week.  I also started logging into my fitness pal again as well.

This way if the scale isn’t showing what it should, my clothes, or what have you I will know I need to call my doctor and be more persistent.  I can’t though just hide, or ignore at this time.  It’s important I am on top of this for I have seen how quickly things can go bad the past few months from just being set a side and ignored.

I also want to apologize to my readers, I am first so thankful to have you and when I started this blog I never thought anyone would read it!  I don’t honestly expect anyone to listen to me in real life either.  I just tend to talk to talk.  Just to get it out but so happy to have followers along on this journey.

At the same time my readers I hate that I have been so much on a roller coaster, always changing things and jumping around I am sure it must be a bit annoying.  Please bare with me, this whole process is new for me.  This blog isn’t just about someone trying to lose weight in general it’s someone trying to over come her health in order to lose weight.  I hope you understand and I appreciate your patience that you have shown the past few months.

I will update you guys tomorrow or friday (for the appointment is late in the afternoon so I may not be on) AND I got a babysitting gig as well (yay!).  So either way by Friday I will have a summary on how it went.  Wish me luck and pray eventually I get the right formula for me to be successful in this journey.