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So if you read my post My new challenge  you would know that I am trying something a bit different.  I didn’t want to obsess over the scale and food.  I didn’t want to see food as bad or evil.  Or be down on myself for water weight.  I knew that eating well and knowing how to get a general idea of my calories in a day has become second nature to me.

But you know you have become obsessed when you start dreaming of your scale lol…. I was dreaming this morning about weighing myself and I had to tell myself in the dream that it wasn’t time right before I was going to step on.

It’s so bad that even yesterday I was a friend’s house and saw a scale and had to talk myself out of it.  WTH?  Seriously?  Has that number really started to have that much control over me?

While of course apart of this journey IS to achieve weight loss this journey wasn’t necessarily about how much weight I can lose.  Given my health issues I find the scale sometimes defeating.  I know that tracking will give doctors a great insight in my world.  BUT after 4 months with some progress but not nearly to the leave everything says I should be at, I had to do something before I sabotaged it all.

I don’t see this month as a free for all.  I know that if I go nuts on the 1st of the month the scale may end up telling me a number I don’t want to see.  For the most part I wanted to do this to see just how I would with no aid.  To see if all my obsessing is worth it? If it’s whats keeping off the weight I have lost?

Plus I just couldn’t take seeing the scale go down 3lbs and I get so excited to see it jump back up the next day making me feel like a total failure even though I know I did nothing to cause it.  BUT because of that number I saw myself eating worse and having that screw this attitude.  I can’t have that attitude in this journey because A. I won’t obviously lose weight and B. Doctors won’t take the issues seriously.

So hopefully in time the dreams will go away and I can find some peace in this month by showing myself I can do this and I KNOW how to eat healthy and BE healthy even if I don’t have all the nice convenient tools that the world has to offer me now days.  I mean before stores had to put calorie information on things I am sure people still found away to eat health AND lose weight without doing so and confident I can prove the same about myself.