I have said from the beginning that this whole process is going to be trial and error and it has been.

I think sometimes what holds be back in this journey is knowledge.

Like for instance I know that normally big people lose about 15 plus pounds very quickly when they change their diet solely due to water weight.

Knowing this information I say to myself I am big, there for those first 10, 15, 20lbs should melt off…. I mean they always have in the past!

This journey has proven me to be quiet wrong.  I should have known better.  I am not your “typical” story.

I am not just some girl who went on a diet or “life change” will you and just decided to lose weight.

No, I am a girl who kept gaining, swelling and had health issues and was just trying to prove doctors that my struggles was far more than food.

I have been on this journey for 122 Days, 18weeks and I have no clue how many hours lol and I have lost 19.6 pounds…. Now, most say that’s good it’s what “they” say is a good weight loss….

First “they are not almost 300lbs!” I don’t think most get how losing 20,30, and even 50lbs doesn’t even seem like a dent when you are obese.  It feels a bit defeating.  It feels like you haven’t really accomplished much at all.

When your clothes still fit about what they did and any change is a slight change.  I get a change is a change…. But we are in a society that wants results and not just results but fast! I want it NOW! results….

This sometimes gets me thinking…… Because of knowledge I can’t find victory in my 19.6 pound loss.  Especially for all the work I put into it.  I mean I tell others it’s like going on the biggest loser and losing a 1lb every week.  Most would be like WTF?  I work out for 5 hrs a day, eat right and these mofo’s are losing 20lbs in a week and I lose 1, 2 maybe 3 pounds.  A loss is a loss right?

But it doesn’t feel like it when you are comparing yourself.  I get shows like the biggest loser is drastic but I am sure you get my point.  It’s not to lose 20lbs in a week, by all means, I know logically a lot of that is water and not even fat.

But when you are asking the person who lost 1,2, 5 pounds this week and say it’s all water do you think they care?  Probably not!  They are happy to lost weight!

I don’t even think most care where or what it came from just that the number is smaller!  Right or wrong it’s just how we are programmed.  Almost to the point we value our self-worth by that number.  We have limitations by that number, we make that number make us who we are!

Messed up right?  All over a number?

I decided today that I am going to just focus on doing what I feel is right and not so much on the number.  The passed several weeks have shown me I can at least keep my swelling down.

How much of me still could be water?  I don’t know and at this point I almost don’t care.  I need to focus on being healthy and not “skinny!”.  Because lets face it I will probably be healthy far before I will be skinny!

I have to accept that this is my journey.  So I won’t look awesome after my first year holding up pants that people think are insanely big next to my body, have a nice flat stomach, say I wear a size 10,8 or even smaller, so what if I am not a HUGE success story because I lost a ton of weight in just one year….

So what if that doesn’t happen because, I know, that it WILL happen ONE day!

I know sometimes with these blogs after a while it gets boring you want to see results, you want to see people succeed.

I am going at snail speed heck maybe I should rename this blog snail speed weight loss lol not sure if it has the same effect though as I am not just a fat girl.

However, saying that, it reminds me just why I started this blog.  It was because I wanted people to see me for MORE then JUST a fat girl.  I felt I was more than that and still do.

I am a loving mother, fiance, friend…. I like to sing, go to karaoke, and have fun.  I like to make people happy and inspire a job where I can help others.  My fat doesn’t define ME.

Don’t judge me because of what you see on the outside.  So what? I am fat?  Don’t assume that I eat a dozen of eggs, a pound of bacon and several slices of toast and even if I did who are you to judge?

Is there something you do that one would not approve of too?  Are we all not human? Don’t we all have our own addictions, obsessions or secrets that we all feel at one time or another people would deem shameful?  Who are YOU to judge ME?

Or you look down of the mother whose kids hair isn’t brushed, their clothes are not the best and didn’t think that maybe she had to flee her home and this was all she had, or their father died recently and the mother is in shattered pieces….

A child screams in a store because they are autistic and they don’t understand that we can’t have that piece of candy that is so nicely placed in the check out lane, OR the little boy who cries because of that candy not because mom said no but because in my son’s case it too has red dye 40 and it’s another thing he can’t have.

The homeless person on the street who lost their job and everything who people won’t even give them a second look who really would just like a warm bed every night and another chance, the person who looks rough and you assume they are going to hurt you….

All these people I have either been OR come to know.  Does it mean sometimes our thoughts about a person is always wrong?

No, but until you know them, until you walk in their shoes does it matter if you are right?  Are you better because you just haven’t fallen like they have? Have problems like they have or short comings like that have?  No…. You are just lucky life didn’t hand YOU those lemons.

Next time I say you look at a person and you want to judge them, maybe take a hard look at yourself and ask yourself, am I perfect?

Is judging them solving a problem?  And am I helping that person or myself?  If the answer to this is NO, then move along and mind your own business or maybe just maybe don’t assume you know everything, or holier then thou and for once make a decision that before turning up a nose how about offering a hand!

So that is my inspirational Thursday I hope if anything today this post will make you rethink looking at someone and assuming you know their situation!