Well MY computer has finally bit the bullet and it seems may have died or so my tech savy friend has told me…. We are trying to get it fixed but in the mean time we have another one soon. So I am still “here”. I will update hopefully by this weekend!
Boy, I will tell you once you jump off that bandwagon it can be hard to jump right back on it! I haven’t done horribly I know, but I feel like I can do better with this whole process and defiantly feel like I should be moving!
But oh, getting myself up and forcing myself to do these things…. This is why a few months ago I was not all oh, thank you to all those who said they were inspired by my 4 mile walks because I knew I only walked those 4 miles because I had to….
Funny how I will walk 4 miles to take my kids to school to save gas but I don’t for my health which I am sure would probably save money too! (okay it wouldn’t because I would buy more clothes!) but you get the point!
I have noticed that even logging my foods in my fitness pal was once again a challenge. While I battle daily on how I really should do this whole thing food wise it really comes down to being lazy and just not wanting to take the time to fill the stuff out.
Or I give myself excuses like oh well, I had pizza, chips, dip no need to count now…. So silly and really no excuse for it. If I want to be serious about this whole process I have to eat well 99% of the time.
I know I can’t do a super strict diet right now because it will just fail. But I think eating mostly good things is a great start. I can’t get upset (though it’s hard not too) when the numbers don’t do what I want. I am not a typical case, something is off in my body, hormones or what have you this is why I am doing this to find out WHAT and how to fix it!
Getting upset just makes the process worse and longer for many reasons including it allows doctors to use food as an excuse. Which would be fine if it was in fact just food but it’s not! I know that but they don’t. So it’s up to me to show them that.
Apart of me really is praying my thyroid is just still low. If it’s low then it very well maybe the answer which means a VERY slow weight loss process but at least it’s “just the thyroid” that in time with the right dosage I hope should work.
But if those numbers are good…. then what? I have to remind myself to just stay in the present and not to think too far a head until I have a reason to! This is hard for me, as someone who is a planner, I don’t like the unknown and this journey is full of them.
Either way I am making strides to do and be my best. That’s all at this point I can do 🙂
I had a pretty busy day today. Since I had my doctor’s appointment today that also meant that I had the van. So I dropped D off at work had an interesting trip at walmart that I spoke about in not your crafty mom (warning come content is not for children).
Then I met up with a friend that I went to school with back in the day. We haven’t really talked since high school and I must say it was really fun! I almost wanted to say screw the appointment! But that wouldn’t be good!
My appointment went fine, I wasn’t expecting much. Their scale had me at 279 (that was with a full bladder! Boy did I have to pee but I head it in just incase they needed any samples, of course they didn’t). Although, my scale at home still read 280.4 (go figure?).
Doctor was much nicer then my other one and I will be switching to her for now. She said that the thyroid is having a hard time because the blood thinners are counter acting with the thyroid meds. She said this is also why most likely I am have super slow weight loss despite my efforts and the memory issues.
She retested my blood and told me to call back on Monday. If the levels are normal I can reschedule and we will go from there. I figured as much. I have already determined that nothing further will be done until we get that level normal. If I can lose weight and feel better than obviously problem solved, BUT if I don’t then well the search begins. I just hope maybe it is my thyroid but I don’t like the idea of a new search I just don’t have much faith in doctors these days!
After that I just picked up D from work, picked up the little boy I started caring for and went home. Overall not a bad day. Hopefully Monday will give us more answers. If the thyroid is still low then we know it is probably the issue so we shall see 🙂 All I can say is Thank God tomorrow is Friday 🙂
I have been going back and forth in my head what I want out of this blog and this journey in general. For a moment I got sucked in trying to learn how to turn this blog into a business. While I am never opposed in learning to make money doing things I love, this wasn’t the intent of this blog!
I’m not saying that it wouldn’t be nice in the future to learn how to make money from my blogging, but it’s not my ultimate goal. My goal of this blog was to document my eating, and weight so I can guard myself when the doctors are so quick to say my health issues are because of my weight. I know deep down that isn’t the full truth BUT I knew I also needed proof.
After I started the journey I got sucked in and sucked in fast. I started to try to lose weight (which don’t get me wrong is the goal as well) but then found myself discouraged when it wasn’t going the way I expected. As I have mentioned many times how apart of me wanted to believe maybe I was wrong.
Deep down I think apart of me wanted to think as I started to lose some weight that it was just diet and exercise and that’s it. Done! Now I can just focus on losing weight and the problem was solved! However, that isn’t exactly what happened.
I wanted to take a month off of this but realized today that I can’t take a month off. The whole purpose of this is to gain information so I can show doctors something isn’t quiet right and to keep them on top of it! But the time off has helped me understand how I feel about this whole process.
With me “coming back” I am not saying that I don’t believe in what I wrote yesterday about living with out a scale, if I didn’t have health issues I would totally jump on that bandwagon. I am not exactly friends with the scale in the first place. I’m just saying that these are tools I should be using “right now”.
So after coming to this conclusion I jumped on the scale 280.4 is what it read. That is exactly what it was 2 weeks ago. (It showed 276 last week or so when I took a peek). Now I can’t say that I ate great all week, I had a few too many cookies the other day, I won’t lie. OR that the number isn’t right, at this point I honestly don’t know!
What I do know is that I really just want to know what is going on. I want to be a success story for myself and yes, others. I want to be happy and healthy. I have decided that this weekend I WILL be joining a gym and I will just have to make myself go. I have no other excuses.
This is my only life, my only chance, and I can’t play around with it. If the doctors are not going to figure it out I will do what I can to figure it out for them. (It wouldn’t be the first time). I am my only advocate!
BUT I do have rules! I can ONLY weigh in right now once a week, unless advised by a medical professional. I currently last they checked have no fluid in my lungs so for now I will stick with once a week. I also started logging into my fitness pal again as well.
This way if the scale isn’t showing what it should, my clothes, or what have you I will know I need to call my doctor and be more persistent. I can’t though just hide, or ignore at this time. It’s important I am on top of this for I have seen how quickly things can go bad the past few months from just being set a side and ignored.
I also want to apologize to my readers, I am first so thankful to have you and when I started this blog I never thought anyone would read it! I don’t honestly expect anyone to listen to me in real life either. I just tend to talk to talk. Just to get it out but so happy to have followers along on this journey.
At the same time my readers I hate that I have been so much on a roller coaster, always changing things and jumping around I am sure it must be a bit annoying. Please bare with me, this whole process is new for me. This blog isn’t just about someone trying to lose weight in general it’s someone trying to over come her health in order to lose weight. I hope you understand and I appreciate your patience that you have shown the past few months.
I will update you guys tomorrow or friday (for the appointment is late in the afternoon so I may not be on) AND I got a babysitting gig as well (yay!). So either way by Friday I will have a summary on how it went. Wish me luck and pray eventually I get the right formula for me to be successful in this journey.
So I was googling “healthy summer desserts” because I was in the mood for sweet stuff! I then ran across a wonderful blog called Chocolate-Covered Katie which had some wonderful suggestions….
Here is how she says to make the pops!
Nutella Fudge Pops
Inspired by this recipe.
- 3 frozen bananas
- 1 tablespoon cocoa powder
- 1/2c choc-hazelnut butter or Homemade Nutella
- 1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract
- tiny pinch salt
Blend all ingredients until super-smooth. (We used a food processor, and we thawed the bananas a tiny bit so they’d blend.) Eat as ice cream, or scoop into popsicle molds (or paper cups) and freeze for fudgsicles.
Click for theFudge Pop Nutrition Facts.
Well I had an my INR appointment today. It was still low 1.2 (they like it to be at 2-3) so that’s disappointing really because it means I have go back again in 2 weeks. I hate the frequent appointments.
I also have been getting concerned lately about my memory. It has been a problem for a while. I know it can be a number of things, my thyroid, or b-12 issues. I do know I need to bring it up to the doc on Thursday because I have noticed it’s gotten worse.
I know everyone has moments, it’s hard to explain or maybe I just make it worse than it is I don’t know. But do know, it causes arguments with Derrick and I often because I can’t remember most things.
Even making notes and such I have to then understand the note. OR sometimes I am trying to figure out where the heck the note came from (like when did I write this). This morning for example; I had a moment where I couldn’t access the calendar from my phone. Meaning I didn’t know where it was. I honestly almost cried because I just couldn’t figure it out.
I use this thing DAILY. It was the last straw that officially had me worried. I just hate bringing stuff up to the doctor because so many times I am just told “it’s normal” and now that I am getting older my age is to blame for everything. I almost feel like what’s the point? Either way I will say something.
I did notice my appointment was with a different doctor other than Dr.Quack so that’s great maybe this one will listen. I will update you after my appointment on Thursday.
I have noticed that since I am now not weigh in or logging my food it just flat out feels weird. It’s completely up to me on my own to make good choices with out *something* (a scale or my fitness pal) telling me back off.
On one hand it’s super scary because when I have a cookie, or two OR ya know three lol because I am a rebel like that and like to test my limits lol you then wonder did I just gain a pound?
Of course I know the science behind it all, but I find myself feeling odd like something is missing not weighing and tracking daily. I guess it’s a good thing maybe? I don’t know but it’s weird non the less.
But for those who are wondering, there are still ways to KNOW how you are doing with out a scale….
1. Measure yourself. I do this once a month. It lets me know despite what the scale says if I have progress the scale can’t show 🙂
2. Pants, I suggest start with a pair of pants, shorts whatever you like that is already a bit snug and each week, month whatever works for you try them on a gain.
3. Have your BMI tested and retest it….
4. Fitness, You always know when you first start working out things are harder and as you continue it gets easier to do more, maybe measure your fitness level and not the scale. The purpose anyways is to be healthy the number on the scale never automatically means you are healthy even if it’s in a healthy range.
5. Take Pictures 🙂 Nothing like seeing an old shocking pictures and updating a new one to see wow I have lost weight 🙂
I haven’t been working out much lately, okay much is an exaggeration! I haven’t been working out at all lately. It’s quiet interesting because I am finding myself longing to do so. Of course I have given myself every excuse in the book why each day is just not a good day to do it. It’s a load of crap. lol
I want to work out not really for the weight loss but to feel and be fit. I got this flyer this weekend for a new gym opening up and its awesome deal of 10 dollars a month. I am about to start babysitting for a couple of families hopefully full-time and if that works out (I will know tomorrow) then I told Derrick I wanted to join!
He totally supports me. I thought about doing a segment on here of exercise tapes and reviewing them but honestly I fear it would be like many things I have done on this blog to start to just stop not too long after. (see a problem here?) lol
I just know I am not just not a video work out type girl. I think that’s okay. No one said I had to work out to video’s to get fit!
I am getting excited to see what the scale says though on the 1st, I really am interested to see how this whole laid back approach does. I won’t lie, I must confess I have weighed in ONCE so far. I just felt I had to (isn’t that an addict?) because I NEEDED to know if I was totally blowing things. However, the scale said I am doing okay….
I am not sure if it will say that on the 1st but we shall see. After the 1st though I do plan on weighing in ONCE a week. I think if anything I needed to mental reset. I had gotten so worked up into worrying about losing weight quickly, the numbers on the scale that I forgot the real reason I was doing this.
I was doing this because not to only get healthy but to seek answers. I knew going in I had health issues and it was causing flucations in my weight. I think deep down I just didn’t want to believe it myself. I guess after the doubt of doctors I started to doubt me. It was also hard to show at times that there was still medical issues when I lost.
Losing didn’t mean I was cured. Just that things are getting better. I have finally seen that even though I have made losses that the amount of work and effort I put into those losses were not what they should have been. People can say a loss is just a loss and to be happy for the loss. But as anyone who has even at least his a plateau knows how much not seeing the scale move in the way you know it should feel defeating.
It’s also hard not to focus on a number at this size. It’s not like I have 30-40lbs to lose or I look a little chunky. When you are this size it takes quiet a bit of loss to actually SEE results. Sometimes that number is ALL you have to stop you from giving up. Even if you can’t see the results yet, that number says but you are still making progress. So it was hard for me to not focus on the number.
The problem was when you do have health issues that number isn’t always “true” meaning if I am retaining fluid then that’s not what I “weigh”. It’s not that fat on my body its fluid. That’s not about the food (well it can be to an extent) but it’s not that omg I ate awesome yesterday how did my eating make me gain because for the most part it wasn’t the eating, it was my body and how it responded to itself and food. I had to learn the difference.
For this reason it’s also hard to take the number seriously. It’s a challenge how do you not? I mean this number is what defines me when I am in the doctor’s office. It’s what assumptions are immediately based off of. My other health issues have been blamed for that number because they don’t get it wasn’t always my number. But when that number is all THEY see. Then it’s hard to convince them there is more to me and my issues then the number.
That number can contribute to a lot and I know this. But I also know that number isn’t the reason why so many things have happened. Something went wrong that CAUSED that number. And it wasn’t my love for food. This journey has proven that to me.
It has also proven to me though at the same time how I really need to still look at my health. Just because that number goes up doesn’t give me an invitation to still treat my body horribly. It’s easy to say well I can’t lose, or I just gain so why not eat what I want. I totally felt that way! What difference did it really matter?
But deep down I DO think it matters, it may not matter on the scale but it matters to my body! So that’s I have to keep doing this no matter the number 🙂 and I am just glad that I have people around me to support it 😉 You guys help keep ME going everyday and I thank you!
See I told you as stay at home mom where everyday is kind of the same day…. I have seen some posts today of it being Friday the 13th or happy Friday the 13th, and still it didn’t click….
I read my post a million times and STILL it didn’t click….
And then I don’t know what made it click, maybe the few brain cells I have left after having kids BUT I realized TODAY IS FRIDAY! OMG I feel like such a moron…. I even had to check my phone to make sure!
I am talking on my post this morning as if it’s Thursday and now I feel like I have some how lost a day…. Well either way YAY to FRIDAY…. Maybe I DO need wine?