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Well I am going on week 3 of walking about 4 miles a day…. I kind of figured it would get easier to walk it but honestly it’s not!  My legs hurt, some days I just want to fall over about a quarter of a mile home.  BUT I will say that I do feel great once I get home lol.  Derrick also pointed out that I am getting up better, earlier in the mornings and apparently less grouchy.  (I use to wake up at the last minute before I had to leave and still was dragging, now I am usually up and going at 5:30 am) So I guess that’s a good thing?

I am really excited to see what the next few months bring for me.  I am going hard core (well not “hard core”) but on the ball of watching what I eat, making sure that I am eating low carbs while getting plenty of veggies (because I still find them important).  I eat fruit too….  I would have never imagined that one day I could look good 🙂 I always assumed that I will be “chunky”, fat, overweight, for the rest of my life.  Even in weight loss efforts I have never thought it to be possible to have a rocking body.

It just seemed like something that wasn’t in the cards for me and I have accepted it.  I have started to wonder if that is a down fall to everything and why this time feels so different to me?  Before I just accepted and now I can’t accept.  I can’t accept my weight, my health, and my life style.  It’s just NOT okay with me.  Accepting to me is like giving up.  I can’t give up on me!  While I am still battling my own demons I have really started to learn that only I hold the limitations for myself.  I mean I am logical and all I won’t say I am going to be 90lbs and I don’t want to be.  But at the same time I can also set realistic goals and also goals that may not seem as realistic to me.  Who knows I might surprise myself?

I just hope that 6 months from now I am not still sitting in the high 200’s almost 300lb area.  It’s so defeating to really pour your heart, sweat and tears into something and not really budge.  Right now THAT is my fear.  That I won’t be able to succeed despite my efforts, that my body, my doctors, all of it will just fail me.  I know it’s a bit extreme but it’s a fear.  Seeing myself already do everything I have been told to do and to fight to lose even just a pound is HARD.  BUT at the same breath so far I have at least kept off 10lbs even with a thyroid that isn’t fully regulated. I know at least once we can get that level normal it should “help” my efforts. At least I hope.  I just want to move forward and so scared to go backwards.

I am just holding faith that this is just MY journey.  It’s not going to work like so many others, I may have to work harder, watch the food I eat, cleanse my soul, and do probably 2 to 3 times more than the average person just to reach goals but in the end if it gets me to where I need to be then it was all worth it.  Sometimes the best things in life are the ones we fight tooth and nail for 🙂