I always thought the science behind weight loss was fairly simple… Calories in vs Calories out…. Eat right, exercise thus this equals weight loss except….. Except when you have things that stand in your way such as thyroid issues, insulin issues, hormone issues, heart issues and etc.  The list honestly can go on.  The thing is there is so many “studies” and “plans” out there that all claim that it will help your “issue” so you can lose weight.  What makes it all overwhelming is which one is really the RIGHT combination for  you?

If you have something like me a thyroid condition you will probably relate with the even though my levels are “normal” I still eat _____ (<—– insert calories here) a day and I exercise and yet either I cannot lose, I gain or I barely lose a pound!  This is quiet frustrating  and can make one feel very defeated.  You start to feel what’s the point?  If I weigh the same eating these chicken nuggets from the local fast food joint vs eating this salad then why should I even make the effort?

Aside from the obvious to be healthier it really is a defeating feeling!  Tomorrow as I mentioned I am going to the doctor.  After much research aside from finding out my TSH levels that they tested recently (which I will be asking what the current number read is) aside from that I am hoping to request a hormone imbalance work up and possibly an insulin resistance check.  I know there is more to this then just my TSH which while I say this, I know that my TSH is a factor!

I also know doctors will try to say you are “normal” when your levels still are not in a “good” range but more so on the borderline range.  I swear if doctors had to feel like this I highly doubt they would accept borderline, so why should I?  But deep, deep in my gut I know there is something more!  I can feel it with all my being that I am right!  Or maybe this is me just wanting to be right.  But after working out (which I wasn’t before due to the clot) eating even better before and I am fluctuating STILL between 7lbs give or take 3 lbs each week SOMETHING is still wrong!

I should be LOSING!  I want to LOSE I don’t mind busting my ass, working out, eating good when I get RESULTS!  But damn it I WANT RESULTS!  Now having that said…. What really got me thinking was last night, my kids apparently took a picture of me back in December.  I looked at that picture with sheer disgust.  Thinking OMG do I look like THAT?  Surely not, I don’t FEEL like that???  Then again oddly enough I don’t “feel” big to begin with!  So I decided to use the other kiddo’s phone and took another pick like the one in December.

I was pleasantly surprised that I DO NOT look like that phew!  But still depressing what I do look like BUT it’s still not LIKE THAT…. But here is what has got me thinking, in this picture I swear it looks like I have 20-30lbs on me, when in fact I weigh MORE now then in December, go figure!  Since a month ago as of today I am only down 4 stupid pounds for 8 weeks of trying to lose weight, yeah I don’t want to hear its 4lbs it’s a loss all that crap not today, it’s 4 FREAKING pounds it was 7lbs but ya know my scale likes to F with me and make me gain 3lbs in a day to lose it the next….. URGH!

Anyways, I have sidetracked, the picture…. So this REALLY got me thinking How on EARTH can I weigh less, (or relatively about the same) BUT look BIGGER!  Still wear the same clothes (though will say they are loser on my legs).  I wish I could post these two pictures!  But my kids phones don’t have service they just use them as music players.  BUT it’s amazing to see the difference.  Even in my face it was so puffy!  The only thing I can think of is swelling!  But figured if I was that swollen the scale would have said something???? Right???? Dunno

So I have quiet a bit to re-address with my quack of a doctor.  If she still insists I am fine, I am putting in the request for a change which sucks because that’s another 6 week wait usually for the change.  UGH…. Why can’t any of this be simple.  Why can’t it be I just do all the right things and I can just be smaller!  I hate I have to do everything MORE then the average… Work out more, watch my calories more, more time to lose weight, all more more more..

And yes, I am having a pity party today… I just want ANSWERS!  Derrick and I decided after going to our friends wedding this past weekend, we are just going to do it.  We always have put it off due to money and yet we have found ways to make other things happen why not this… So we decided to just plan.  While I have decided fat or not I will be a bride.  I would love to be able to wear a wedding dress and feel beautiful and not cry about how huge I look in it or feel limited on certain styles because it will show my arms or something like that.  I mean I get all brides face that to an extent.

Even brides aside I just want to LOOK and FEEL healthy!!! Is that really too much to ask???? Sigh…..