A friend of mine put up a post yesterday on FB that said “if you don’t love yourself BEFORE you won’t love yourself AFTER it’s your body. ADORE IT at every weight”.
While, I get the premises of this quote it’s just one that I personally cannot live by not at what I weigh. Does this mean I can’t or don’t LOVE the inside of me OR even parts of me? No, actually there are things I do LIKE about myself. Like my eyes, or that I am a good person!

I don’t hate the “whole” me just pretty much me from neck down. Sometimes I see this quote and think sure, get to 300lbs and then say that to yourself? Not sayin’ there can’t be any 300lb people who love themselves and their bodies I suppose just well, get to 300lbs and we will talk lol….. It’s just not a quote you see many fat people going around and telling people.

I think it’s very normal for individuals to dislike something about themselves and or their body. While, the advice is great I don’t find it realistic. What I do find realistic is to know that losing weight does not equal happiness. I think deep down this what the quote is really trying to get at. If you think that losing weight will solve all your problems you are sadly mistaken!

You cannot make your body over come who you are! Body image is a hard thing to over come. But at the end of the day I don’t think most of us see ourselves as others do. Do your friends really say in their head man, that dress makes her calves look fat? Probably not. In fact, I have noticed I will find some big people and think they still look very nice. To the point I get jealous and think why can’t I look like that in that outfit, I look about as big as her?

I have been all sorts of weight and never actually said, I love my body. In fact, usually I don’t appreciate it when I am at smaller to the point when I am bigger I think damn, I wish I could slap the old me. I looked fine! It’s when you listen to those little voices and the worst voices are the ones in your own head!

I just have a hard time accepting “fat” as “beautiful”. I can’t look at me and say man I love these rolls, I rock! I can’t look at me and think I AM BEAUTIFUL because in my eyes I am not. I may have a good personality, a pleasant fact, but lets face the facts if you saw my body unclothed and you didn’t see my face you too wouldn’t think most likely what a beautiful body!

Frankly, If I loved all of me why would I feel a need to change it? Because, I don’t love all of me, and because I don’t love all of me I AM trying to change it. I don’t expect losing weight to really change my life. I don’t expect an end result to be like some model. I just want to feel comfortable hopefully in my own skin. To buy clothes at any department store with out searching for the plus size.

To be noticed again (it’s amazing at how being big you become invisible). I want to see things, do things, and run. I want to run and enjoy it. I want to run and not feel like I am going to die just going partially down the street.  I want to run and not be embarrassed thinking that every car that drives by is thinking look at that fat girl run, or be a laughing stock if I fall!  I want to be free… and fit. Not happy and fat! THAT’s what I want to live by!