First omit the weird thing my eye is doing!!!! Derrick and I did the shred level 2 because well he needed a challenge and I am mental lol I survived, had to stop a few times of course but all in all I made it through the whole dvd and that should account for something right????? Right??? Of course it does!
Well I started my day with taking the kids to school, then I came home and put M down for her morning nap. I figured I would go cook me some breakfast so I would be fueled for the day. unfortunately she has sleep powder dust that is absorbed in her skin so when you cuddle up to her you can’t help but to fall asleep yourself! So back up at almost 10am which I had to leave in 20 mins. I rushed to get everything ready and then out the door… Doctors office went great, my big princess is 9 mos and weights 24lbs 1oz and 29 1/2 inches long! They had to take some blood today to test lead, some other things and since last week the lab I went to had a hard time trying to stick her for her genetic testing (we are having her checked for blood disorders like mommy) they decided to add that and sent me to the lab next door. Told me to try there and if they couldn’t do it they would send us to children’s! So off we went! First stick and they got it! yay! of course it took two nurses to hold her down including me holding her. My strong baby. She did NOT like the whole process at.all. BUT all is well! After that it was now almost 1 and I was STARVING! Ya know the type where you probably would eat your own arm if you could?
So on the way home I had to go by Walmart and thought I will get a salad, I was craving their Southwest salad! Well the big one alone was almost 600 cals! You have GOT to be kidding me! I mean I know that because it says salad doesn’t mean it’s low cal but really????? So I opted for the smaller one and then went to the frozen section were I found the Tai Pei rice I like. To my surprise it was actually less cals than the big salad. Go figure! Since I didn’t eat breakfast I had a few cals to spare, so I got that with my small salad! Then I saw the chocolate turtle cake! yum…. 260 for one serving! So I thought cool, I will get that…. So was it a healthy lunch? No not really but it was good and I am still with in my calories for the day so I am fine with that!
On to the topic of the post though, sorry got side tracked with my morning! I woke up today so so so SORE…. I knew it was to be expected. I mean just because the video didn’t seem that hard didn’t make it hard ya know? Either way wowza! I decided I will not be doing that video today but for now probably every other day with a different exercise in between. Today I choose walking with M. We walked together for an hour! It felt good too 🙂 I am hoping all this work will start to pay off. I noticed this morning I am back to my beginning weight from Monday (I gained a lb) from my whole cereal binge, I suspected as much though so I was not upset. Can’t be mad about something you know you purposely did. I am not going to get upset of small mishaps or over having say a piece of chocolate cake. I figure slow and steady wins the race right. Well over time slowly and surely I will add more and more great fresh foods but I know from time to time something good and sweet isn’t going to kill me either. One thing I have learned over the years is 1. deprivation leads to failure and 2. drastic changes tend to also lead to failure. This is by all means a process. I am just testing the waters seeing what’s working and not working for my body. For myself and for my doctors. If we are ever going to get things in order I have to do trial of elimination just like what they are doing with me, I have to do with food/exercise. Find what works and what doesn’t! So far I have learned that going over cals has dramatic effects, so my cheat days have to be small cheats.
Day one of the 30 day shred is DONE! Now I only got 25 mins into the 30 mins total (got a phone call) I had to modify a few places with the modifications I learned from bob on the biggest loser (suck it Jillian I modified anyways lol) BUT I didn’t quit (well until the phone rang which at that point we were fixing to start cool down anyways!) So I declare this a small victory. It was not only my 1st day of the shred BUT it was my first big work out since the PE! I haven’t done anything but walking since I left the hospital! Feels good! Now I just have to take a shower!
I got some news yesterday that quiet upset me, in fact I will say it angered me. I felt scared, sad, mad, disappointed I think all in one. I tried not to feel this way but I did. It’s a bit unfair to the person I was upset with because I know deep down they do feel they were trying and maybe it was me with too high of an expectation but none the less it started the downward spiral of seeking food for comfort. See while most of my current weight issues have been medical it doesn’t mean I haven’t had my own issues with food, while I was about 130-140ish back in the day I still struggled with food. Typically doing unhealthy “diets” and fads to stay small although in those days I thought I was big fat cow… Funny how now I would give almost anything to be that size again! ugh… But back to the topic anyways, I struggle with food yes from time to time. I know the logic’s of weight loss. I know how it all works, I know what’s healthy what is not. Education doesn’t always equal though good eating habits. Just like that surgeon general warning on a pack of cigarettes that I use to smoke up until a little over a year ago! Wow didn’t realize it’s been that long. hmmm…
Well so yesterday sparked the emotional eating again. I could feel it coming on that urge to just eat something bad! I knew of course this was a bad idea, I thought at first maybe I should just go for a walk, or run or something but at this time it was pouring rain outside. I couldn’t do my work out video because the source to use it was being used at the time….. I wanted to go and get some of these yummy chocolate ball truffle things omg drool but didn’t want to face the rain so I invaded my cabinets and found the kids cereals. Ah, coco puffs! Close enough and ate two bowls… I was in that moment where I wanted that tight I am FULL feeling where afterwords you want to cuddle up and go to sleep. To some, they hate this feeling but to me I love it. It’s horrible I know…. It was wrong and I knew it. I am not going to justify it. But I am not going to harp on it either. I don’t feel my whole diet is blown, I don’t feel like I should just give up. I am human, I will make mistakes, I will at times eat something that is probably not good for me. IT WILL HAPPEN. But as long as I make efforts to make this not a daily event and know that if I do these things I will still reap the punishments of it (which will be no gain or less of a gain) I have to just accept that and move on. I had not fallen off a wagon I made a choice and have to live with that choice. I KNEW what I was doing when I did it. I knew I could have just went to bed. I knew that whole heartily, in that moment I just.didn’t.care! And that is all it boiled down to. Every day is a new day and a fresh start. I will just start with that today.
First I will like to say I am happy to report I am down 3.4 lbs since last week. The week before last I lost 4lbs to only gain all but a lb and couldn’t figure out why. I brought up my calorie intake and poof I lost the weight again! One thing I have learned this week, cheat days suck! I am not doing a day of cheating like that for a while. Not saying never because I will but I think I will save my cheats for ONE item not a day of it. Because of my cheat day I feel I could of lost another lb. But I will not and refuse to dwell on that! I will just enjoy my victory. I also feel like my thyroid is kicking into gear. I think my meds are affecting my levels which is why I was also still gaining while eating healthy. Normally once my meds are upped I am great shortly after however, this time it’s taking WEEKS! ugh…. Water retention seems to be better too. I can still tell it’s there but hoping that having the thyroid normal will help, also I think my PE is getting better or gone because I am feeling tons better these days. I still get winded from time to time pretty easy but it’s like 10x’s better then it was that’s for sure! Because of that I think it’s helping with the water weight too because PE’s have that nice little effect to them.
So on to my new purchases my first I am so happy to have because I have NEVER had one! And since counting cals I find this a beneficial item especially for meats!
My very first food scale! I am so happy to have it!!!
My second purchase is for both Derrick and I! I am not sure how well I will be able to do it but I will remain to focus on what the physical therapist in the hospital said to work out only as much as my body can take. If I can’t talk and work out at the same time I need to stop.
So the first thing you may notice on my blog is the “Daily Eats AKA “Food Porn” section. I have decided I will have a separate spot for my daily food log as well as my journal, which is this 🙂 I want this blog to be versatile. I want a loathe of information but also my daily thoughts not JUST food. I mean if I am going to be not JUST a fat girl then this blog is going to be more than JUST food 🙂 So this morning I weighed in, I typically weigh every single morning after my two rounds of pee lol and my jaw dropped I gained everything I lost this week…. I won’t lie, at first I was FURIOUS! Are you kidding me? Really???? I was not happy! I wanted to throw my scale, deem it to be wrong (even though it told Derrick that he lost! I thought to myself maybe a conspiracy?) I thought I must need to replace this scale… I mean it’s EVERYTHING BUT ME of course! I even texted my best friend and told her that “I wanna kill my scale” in my moment of furry! And then I thought, posted my pictures from my eats and such for yesterday, and realized that if I KNOW that I am retaining fluid, that I might have edema issues, and I ate what I can only assume is a crap load of sodium it’s no wonder why I gained 3lbs in one day…. I mean would the average person gain 3lbs in a day? Probably not but lets face it, I am NOT your average person here. I have done nothing but shock doctors left and right. Heck you should have seen my hospital room months ago when they took off about 70lbs of fluids how many doctors were in my room. I quickly became the test subject and the talk of my ward! As well as my precious newborn :P. Either way…. Needless to say that this gain made me feel like cheat days are a NO go, at least for now! I have GOT to see what is going on with my body and I can’t find out if I cheat honestly. If anything cheats still must be small little victories not the whole damn enchilada!
So now on more important news, what my blog was really going to be about before my scale interrupted! Derrick and I watched Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead last night on netflix, those of you who have not seen it I HIGHLY suggest it. Basically, it’s about a guy who has started having a ton of medical issues all due to his weight and as well as an autoimmune disorder (this was not caused by his weight), so he decided to make a change. The first thing he did was he wanted to do a juice fast for 60 days. While this is pretty extreme the results were nothing but purely amazing. Though it should be pretty much common sense honestly, drastically change your diet, add exercise you can do lose a ton (The Biggest Loser Competition) proves just that. Anyways, it caused him to become of course healthy again! After the fasting he now eats regular HEALTHY foods (mostly fruits and veggies) and looks awesome! Mean while documenting his journey he inspires a very large man to change his ways too and he is truly is inspirational! Derrick and I have decided that next month (only because we have bought mostly our groceries for the month already) that we will be trying this of course after I speak with my doctor and the anticoagulation clinic to make sure given my medications this would be safe and if so to make sure I am closely monitored for certain foods with a lot of vitamin K can cause issues with the meds I am on. Now we are not planning to fast for 60 days I figured I would at least try 7-10 days. We wanted to do this not for the weight loss benefit, look I am not dumb I know the second you go off this fast and eat normal you will most likely gain and I also know the “results are not typical” as you see in the film. But more so to do exactly what the juice fast does which is to detox you! This gets rid of the junk in your trunk so to speak! Also it reforms your taste buds.
I have also realized especially after watching this that my newly found burst of energy is through the good foods I have been eating. I didn’t eat horrible so to speak before but I am eating even better now. And well, even now there is still room for mass improvement. Like I noticed I need to eat a ton more veggies! I think at first I was scared because my INR but if I make it a daily habit hopefully they can adjust that to fit the life style as they say they can! We shall see. By all means I don’t want in the process of getting healthier to make myself worse! My goal in this whole transformation is to eventually eat a teeny tiny amount of processed foods. I am determined to also show that even a family on a budget can eat super healthy without a lot of “diet food!” I also hope to really start exercising. I will admit after my PE I have been scared to exercise (more than say walking). I have this burn inside of me to just run. But the deep dark thought of mine is I will run and fall over dead. While I know this isn’t exactly something that SHOULD happen. I guess it doesn’t help to see people who are athletic DIE from a PE! It’s a misconception I have learned that healthy fit people are exempt from clotting, when in fact I have found that all kinds of people have experienced this even the most healthy, athletic people. And maybe this is my fat talking but I just find that doctors like to pin a lot of what happen to overweight people on just their weight, so what do you pin it on someone who isn’t over weight? Why is one something that happened to happen and the other is something that is caused by your weight? I just don’t quiet get it. While I can’t say in full terms that my eating hasn’t probably helped the pounds over the years, I do know the mass of weight gain over the past year was due to medical. I always tend to know the difference because once my thyroid is in check I don’t gain “crazy like” anymore however, my diet has not changed not one single bit. People ask me how do I know it’s not my diet THAT’S HOW I KNOW! When you don’t change how you EAT but CHANGE your HORMONES and it makes a difference logical sense tells you oh, it’s your hormones! I think sometimes people have a hard time thinking someone could be overweight by more factors than JUST food! Sure we all know food plays a part. Maybe instead of gaining 2lbs I would have gained maybe 1.5 but lets face it sometimes things just happen to label my issues because I am overweight just isn’t fair. Because I wasn’t over weight, I still don’t even consume the amount of daily calories they claim is how much I should be eating for my size to MAINTAIN my weight. I KNOW all these things…. though I guess in the back of my mind as much as I would like to be RIGHT because well, I always like to be right, in this case I would LOVE to be wrong!
Is it a blow to admit that you are wrong, yeah, sometimes….. I won’t lie it sucks. But if my only fix is that I just have to eat good and stop eating processed foods then while it may suck sign me up. So that’s why I am doing this, maybe to see and prove myself wrong. But the battle stings like last week when I did all the right and still gained after day 3 (which yesterday was day 3 of trying to change my cal intake)! I am not sure the magic in day three… But will say I am not going to write it off this time…. Next, is then no cheats for a week and we will see if we have a day three gain. IF we do well, I don’t know but at least I can say it’s not my diet! I hope at the end of all this I can find out why I am gaining and why losing is just so hard. I don’t want to be overweight (who really does?). I mean I want to buy off the rack, I want to look at myself and think I’m hot. BUT aside from that I want to FEEL healthy! I want to FEEL energized! Sigh… such a process…. I am glad I at least have support this time… It’s nice that Derrick and I are on the same pages. He has been going on this road slowly for a while, in the mean while it takes me a few moments to catch up. I tend to regress, pout, fight, and finally I give in lol. So I will see you guys soon and don’t forget to check daily to see how I am eating and feel free to comment anytime! Have a great weekend oh! and Happy Saint Patrick’s Day!
Well my day started with me not being able to sleep, which meant that because I wasn’t in bed Miss M decided she still join the party except for she fell asleep on my chest….
Ah, I love that baby…. So since I didn’t sleep yet (which I am about to now as it’s 7am) I had some breakfast. Just a Muffin w/strawberry laughing cow cream cheese (it’s delish) and a small banana.
So this is my left overs from my dinner last night and let me say OMG it IS sooooo good…. Complete comfort food. What? Everyone needs some good comfort food AND this dish doesn’t kill you in calories as well when ate with portion control! Below you will see some Roast slowed cooked in some Grubbs (and OMG You have got to try this stuff it has natural ingredients AND tastes awesome!) Marinade and BBQ sauce, with some small potatoes, carrots and I finished it with some 45 calorie toast topped with some sun basil laughing cow cheese! Oh! And don’t forget the water!
Snack time! I love snack time…. Today I am trying these new crackers I bought that was whole grain, I topped with laughing cow cream cheese (yes I have an obsession) and strawberries.
Dinner is served!!!!
Breaded Chicken, Penne pasta mixed with mushrooms, artichokes, black olives, tomatoes, peppers with a little Dijon mustard and olive oil dressing, Green beans and don’t forget the water 🙂
I still had some calories left over and found I must eat them or things go all wrong!!!! So here you have a 100 cal bagel, some oranges, apples and 1tbs of natural peanut butter
And that ends it for the day…. I don’t know how I have survived this day with only 3 hrs of sleep but boy am I beat! Time for BED! Yawn! Until tomorrow 🙂
Like all blogs you must have your grand entrance post! Ya know, the one where you hope will be one of many. But if you are like me you have probably started a ton of blogs and never finished them. I cannot promise you this will be any different. However, I will try my best to do it right this time “girl scouts honor!”. What? I really was a girl scout! Really! Well even though I know these things typically have a “About Me” page which I am sure I will set up too, I figured I would start with the title and what it means and then tell you what I really plan to do with this blog.
I am NOT just a fat girl…. I have been thinking for days about starting a blog, generally this idea came up because I was posting on Facebook pictures of foods that I eat daily aka my Food Porn which then turned into me posting them on my weight loss group too, and well it started to become a drag to post in both places so I thought I should do a blog and be done with it! Because, well… I am lazy. Plus then those who are my FB friends and in my weight loss group don’t see double posts, which I am sure that is quiet annoying…. So just thinking of you guys here! Yeah, that’s it. It’s all about you! Just kidding we know it’s not! So back to the title. I am NOT just a fat girl, the title actually has a few meanings. The first is the obvious my name is Misty, I am a mom of four, engaged, a sister, a friend and so much more than JUST a fat girl. I think sometimes when we gain weight it feels at times you become invisible. You notice that people purposely try not to look at you as if you have some disease or something? Or that if they look at you they will get “the fat”. But behind this body is a human, a person, who has feelings and a good heart. I am not defined just by my outside I have an inside too! Aside from that I have noticed how quickly people judge you. Not just people who are skinny and never faced a day of weight problems in their lives (not saying all skinny people don’t face weight issues, calm down just speaking of those who have been skinny their whole lives with out struggling with weight), but not just those people but also professionals. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt which I know that they haven’t given me! When doctors see me and I have a complaint the first thing I swear that goes through their minds, well sure You’re Fat! To them I AM just some fat girl….
First I want to clarify for those who have never being overweight before a few things I would like to point out to you. Number 1. Uno! Because I am big it doesn’t mean I eat a ton of food…. I sometimes think people envision me eating a dozen eggs, a loaf of bread, and wash it down with a gallon of milk. No, I don’t eat thousands upon thousands of calories a day. Number 2 I don’t just sit around watch tv and eat all day long. It’s such a misconception that because one is overweight they don’t move…. Just because you have seen people have to use machines to get them out of their houses doesn’t mean that’s the case for all of use who are overweight! Number 3 I don’t care about myself, quiet the opposite, I DO care about myself, while I do get in my mommy frumpy ways at times I do care how I look. Have you seen what clothes they have for big women? Either they are SUPER expensive, are for skinny people (which btw typically doesn’t work well for big people) OR they are big hideous outfits that don’t flatter you at all! I mean I am not saying there are not nice clothes for bigger people but lets face it I can’t go into a place like Target and just get off the rack that’s for sure! So I wear what’s comfortable and what I can, do I like it? No! But what can one do with limited choices? Number 4 I have NO will power or I am WEAK…. Hmmmmm You push babies out of your who-ha with no drugs and we will see how WEAK you are? or hell for that matter try a c-section! K?
See the thing is I am NOT JUST a fat girl, I am a girl who has a Hypothyroid, who has had a Pulmonary Edema, Pulmonary embolism, Factor V Leiden, a Fatty Liver, and this is just what we have already found! These things were not caused because I am JUST fat! No I am the fat girl BECAUSE of these things. I did not eat my way to this weight in fact the amount of food I typically eat in a day is about what someone half if not more of my size eats to maintain their weight. My weight is a daily struggle. Despite my efforts there are days where I gain several pounds in just one day and then days later to lose it again, but that’s all it does is it fluctuates. I have to see doctor after doctor. All of whom would first look at me and think this is because of my weight. When every.single.time. I have proven them wrong. People just don’t.know. what it’s like to be me! To be in this body that doesn’t feel like it’s MINE. I MISS my body….. This isn’t someone who had some kids and it just changed, which I totally understand that loss as well… But this is someone despite my efforts I still lose! Trying to convince doctors that there is something wrong other than the fact I am “just fat” is not an easy task. Many doctors look at me as if I have been this way for years, when if they knew me they would know in less than 3 yrs ago I was more than half this size. I have had doctors let me down, ignore me and almost kill me. All because they wanted to look at what was the most “obvious” to them. But even then I will not go down with out a fight. Just hopefully it won’t end with “even if it kills me”…..
I hope that with this blog not only do I get to post and reflect of my eating habits to constantly improve how I eat, and what I eat. I want to be accountable, I WANT to be healthy but also for a guide to show that hey just because I am a fat girl on the outside doesn’t mean I AM a fat girl. It doesn’t define me, it’s not WHO I am! It doesn’t make me less of a person. It also doesn’t mean to ignore me, blame me or criticize me about my “choices”. I hope to be able to educate others about people who are like me! Not all of us who are overweight CHOOSE to be over weight…. NOT all of us ATE our way here! Many of us work HARD and DO TRY to have a healthy mind,body and soul just some of us have things that hold our bodies back like me. I hope to get people to sometimes see that sometimes people can be big and it’s not because they eat McDonald’s everyday or loads of fried foods. That they don’t ever exercise and they aren’t just lazy… I hope to show people sometimes your “suggestions” are not suggestions but annoying comments that we have heard a million times. That sometimes all we need is I am sorry you deal with that. To show people sometimes your help isn’t help though we know you mean well. And last but not least that just because someone had something like me doesn’t mean that I am LIKE THEM. Having things like thyroid issues, clotting disorders, clots all don’t run the same. Just as one may have one experience someone else may have an experience totally different. Please don’t label us the same! What works for one doesn’t always for all! Just because one has the same disorder doesn’t make them the same!
In this blog you will get to see my meals, struggles and hopefully triumphs of becoming not just a fat girl 🙂 I hope that with in time I will get the answers, and tools to finally be able to live healthy, thinner, for my life time not just moments in time. I also hope to educate and uplift, that just because you are big you still are a person, and that if you want to change your life only YOU can make that happen….. I am going to find the answers and hopefully you will follow me on that journey. So thanks for coming and come back soon for my daily eats 🙂