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So the first thing you may notice on my blog is the “Daily Eats AKA “Food Porn” section.  I have decided I will have a separate spot for my daily food log as well as my journal, which is this 🙂 I want this blog to be versatile.  I want a loathe of information but also my daily thoughts not JUST food.  I mean if I am going to be not JUST  a fat girl then this blog is going to be more than JUST food 🙂 So this morning I weighed in, I typically weigh every single morning after my two rounds of pee lol and my jaw dropped I gained everything I lost this week…. I won’t lie, at first I was FURIOUS!  Are you kidding me?  Really???? I was not happy!  I wanted to throw my scale, deem it to be wrong (even though it told Derrick that he lost! I thought to myself maybe a conspiracy?)   I thought I must need to replace this scale… I mean it’s EVERYTHING BUT ME of course!  I even texted my best friend and told her that “I wanna kill my scale” in my moment of furry!  And then I thought, posted my pictures from my eats and such for yesterday, and realized that if I KNOW that I am retaining fluid,  that I might have edema issues, and I ate what I can only assume is a crap load of sodium it’s no wonder why I gained 3lbs in  one day…. I mean would the average person gain 3lbs in a day?  Probably not but lets face it, I am NOT your average person here.  I have done nothing but shock doctors left and right.  Heck you should have seen my hospital room months ago when they took off about 70lbs of fluids how many doctors were in my room.  I quickly became the test subject and the talk of my ward!  As well as my precious newborn :P.  Either way…. Needless to say that this gain made me feel like cheat days are a NO go, at least for now!  I have GOT to see what is going on with my body and I can’t find out if I cheat honestly.  If anything cheats still must be small little victories not the whole damn enchilada!

So now on more important news, what my blog was really going to be about before my scale interrupted!   Derrick and I watched Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead last night on netflix, those of you who have not seen it I HIGHLY suggest it.  Basically, it’s about a guy who has started having a ton of medical issues all due to his weight and as well as an autoimmune disorder (this was not caused by his weight), so he decided to make a change.  The first thing he did was he wanted to do a juice fast for 60 days.  While this is pretty extreme the results were nothing but purely amazing.  Though it should be pretty much common sense honestly, drastically change your diet, add exercise you can do lose a ton (The Biggest Loser Competition) proves just that.  Anyways, it caused him to become of course healthy again!  After the fasting he now eats regular HEALTHY foods (mostly fruits and veggies) and looks awesome!  Mean while  documenting his journey he inspires a very large man to change his ways too and he is truly is inspirational!  Derrick and I have decided that next month (only because we have bought mostly our groceries for the month already) that we will be trying this of course after I speak with my doctor and the anticoagulation clinic to make sure given my medications this would be safe and if so to make sure I am closely monitored for certain foods with a lot of vitamin K can cause issues with the meds I am on.  Now we are not planning to fast for 60 days I figured I would at least try 7-10 days.  We wanted to do this not for the weight loss benefit, look I am not dumb I know the second you go off this fast and eat normal you will most likely gain and I also know the “results are not typical” as you see in the film.  But more so to do exactly what the juice fast does which is to detox you!  This gets rid of the junk in your trunk so to speak!  Also it reforms your taste buds.

I have also realized especially after watching this that my newly found burst of energy is through the good foods I have been eating.  I didn’t eat horrible so to speak before but I am eating even better now.  And well, even now there is still room for mass improvement.  Like I noticed I need to eat a ton more veggies!  I think at first I was scared because my INR but if I make it a daily habit hopefully they can adjust that to fit the life style as they say they can!  We shall see.  By all means I don’t want in the process of getting healthier to make myself worse!  My goal in this whole transformation is to eventually eat a teeny tiny amount of processed foods.  I am determined to also show that even a family on a budget can eat super healthy without a lot of  “diet food!” I also hope to really start exercising.  I will admit after my PE I have been scared to exercise (more than say walking).  I have this burn inside of me to just run.  But the deep dark thought of mine is I will run and fall over dead.  While I know this isn’t exactly something that SHOULD happen.  I guess it doesn’t help to see people who are athletic DIE from a PE!  It’s a misconception I have learned that healthy fit people are exempt from clotting, when in fact I have found that all kinds of people have experienced this even the most healthy, athletic people.  And maybe this is my fat talking but I just find that doctors like to pin a lot of what happen to overweight people on just their weight, so what do you pin it on someone who isn’t over weight?  Why is one something that happened to happen and the other is something that is caused by your weight?  I just don’t quiet get it.  While I can’t say in full terms that my eating hasn’t probably helped the pounds over the years, I do know the mass of weight gain over the past year was due to medical.  I always tend to know the difference because once my thyroid is in check I don’t gain “crazy like” anymore however, my diet has not changed not one single bit.  People ask me how do I know it’s not my diet THAT’S HOW I KNOW!  When you don’t change how you EAT but CHANGE your HORMONES and it makes a difference logical sense tells you oh, it’s your hormones!  I think sometimes people have a hard time thinking someone could be overweight by more factors than JUST food!  Sure we all know food plays a part.  Maybe instead of gaining 2lbs I would have gained maybe 1.5 but lets face it sometimes things just happen to label my issues because I am overweight just isn’t fair.  Because I wasn’t over weight, I still don’t even consume the amount of daily calories they claim is how much I should be eating for my size to MAINTAIN my weight.  I KNOW all these things…. though I guess in the back of my mind as much as I would like to be RIGHT because well, I always like to be right, in this case I would LOVE to be wrong!

Is it a blow to admit that you are wrong, yeah, sometimes….. I won’t lie it sucks.  But if my only fix is that I just have to eat good and stop eating processed foods then while it may suck sign me up.  So that’s why I am doing this, maybe to see and prove myself wrong.   But the battle stings like last week when I did all the right and still gained after day 3 (which yesterday was day 3 of trying to change my cal intake)!  I am not sure the magic in day three… But will say I am not going to write it off this time…. Next, is then no cheats for a week and we will see if we have a day three gain.  IF we do well, I don’t know but at least I can say it’s not my diet!  I hope at the end of all this I can find out why I am gaining and why losing is just so hard.  I don’t want to be overweight (who really does?).  I mean I want to buy off the rack, I want to look at myself and think I’m hot.  BUT aside from that I want to FEEL healthy!  I want to FEEL energized!  Sigh… such a process…. I am glad I at least have support this time… It’s nice that Derrick and I are on the same pages.  He has been going on this road slowly for a while, in the mean while it takes me a few moments to catch up.  I tend to regress, pout, fight, and finally I give in lol.  So I will see you guys soon and don’t forget to check daily to see how I am eating and feel free to comment anytime!  Have a great weekend oh! and Happy Saint Patrick’s Day!