So AF said her goodbyes so I thought I would weigh in this morning. I actually have weighed in all week. I weigh daily because of my fluid issues I had during/after birth. So it’s just habit now to continue to weigh daily. Well, last night I had to pee really bad, woke up went, got back up at 5am pee back to sleep then up again at 6:30am pee and got the kids ready for school. I weighed myself right before and a loss! A total of 7lbs in the past two weeks since I upped my eating. I know the fluid had some to do with it because I don’t normally pee that much at night. I can see some fluid on my feet still just a tiny bit. I just wish they would give me diuretics already so I can just get all this water weight off and move on. I swear a good amount of this is retained water! ugh! In the mean time I will just do what I can to try to keep the water off.
I want to start off today talking about trigger foods no wait lets talk about fast food for a moment… Fast food, so I have been craving fast food for a few days…. So this morning I finally did it I went to Sonic and had a breakfast burritos, some tots and french toast (I shared the toast with the kiddo) I posted about this on daily eats but thought I would blog it too…. So anyways, OMG I feel SO CRAPPY right now…
First I actually went because I wanted the jalapeno burritos (which isn’t what they gave me urgh), I would have been better off coming home and making a hot burritos at home and not feel so crappy! OMG I didn’t think I would feel this bad. This defiantly tells me that my body is not used to this type of food anymore. I haven’t been eating any fast food lately (ice cream is about as fast as it gets) I have done well and cooked myself…. Today I am sick and just wanted something hot to open up my sinuses. Boy that was a huge mistake… Not only do I feel bad but I ate more than half of my calories in ONE setting. Stupid stupid girl! This shall be another lesson!
Now on to trigger foods…. I learned while doing south beach years ago about trigger foods. Basically, trigger foods are foods you eat that trigger you to want to eat more, or eat bad things. I have learned as healthy as they are apples are a trigger food for me. Not only do they make me supper hungry like right after eating them but I crave bad foods and sweets with them. I was almost certain of this trigger food a few weeks ago and so I tested it again the other day and sure enough I was not only starving but wanting sweets! So I wondered what are YOUR trigger foods? What foods do you eat that make you want more or make you want to eat bad???
First I am in sinus hell right now! I have sneezed I don’t know how many times this morning and just feel overall blah! I was going to get my blood drawn today to re-test my thyroid but think I will go tomorrow instead. I have an appointment with the stupid doctor (the one who told me that you can’t lose weight no matter how many calories you intake unless you exercise) while I do exercise at the time I was not because of my PE. Anyways I am to see her on the 20th. I am putting a request for a new doctor when I get my blood drawn. I need someone who listens to me and honestly she did not.
Next on the agenda…. I know that they say slow and steady wins the race but damn this is defiantly a snails race I am in. I have never actively tried to lose weight and the numbers move so slowly before. I wasn’t eating horribly bad before but in the past month I have made strides to eat even better, I have started working out again since I feel like I can, and just overall doing a million times better than I EVER have trying to lose weight. I have done weight watchers, south beach, akins, and of course just watching what I eat. But never have I done things like now. I mean now I eat a ton more veggies, hardly anything I eat now is processed except for a few things. It’s so annoying dealing with all of this.
I hate not knowing WHY for a 100% sure I am not losing weight the way I am supposed to. Going by my fitness pal (which I know is just a guide everyone loses weight differently) It says I should be almost 20lbs smaller by now… But I’m not, NOT.EVEN.CLOSE! It’s quiet sad really. BUT I am trying my best to stay positive because weeks ago I couldn’t keep any weight to stay down and I have for a whole week, hopefully two once AF disappears, hopefully it will still be down. Either way I mean that is something to be happy about. It does mean SOMETHING is working a little. But still tells me something is still off? Thyroid still? I dunno?
My INR was still low. I measured my body today. Waist was down 2 inches, my left leg was up 2inches and my ankle was up an inch. My right leg was up one inch as well as the ankle. So I know I have some fluid retention going on but being on AF that’s not a surprise either. There is ALWAYS something contradicting something else ugh. I will remeasure after AF and Weigh and we shall see. Maybe when I see the doctor in 3 weeks if things haven’t moved any faster maybe I can get her to listen to me???? Only one can hope!
A few months ago we found out that I have Factor V Leiden. Since then I decided to test the children because the disorder is genetic. This was really important to me, especially for my girls because thinks like birth control pills are super dangerous with this disorder and having a preteen (not that she will be having sex any time soon!) I really felt it was important to know and the results are in now for all the kids and not one of them share my disorder OR have any other genetic blood disorders! yay!
And with that note I leave you with a funny…..
Every heard the phrase messy room equals a messy mind? Well, I have and lately I have been thinking about this a lot. I won’t lie we are a family of 6 and I am by far not a cleaning nazi. So my house gets cluttered
and it gets cluttered FAST! Some days it feels almost impossible to keep this house in order. We have a rule in this house that everyone is to help out. Even my children have their own chores. At first I didn’t like this idea too much. It’s strange because as much as I HATE cleaning I also hated the idea of someone else cleaning the house. Not only do they not clean to my liking, it was almost like a mental note of everything I felt I should be doing and someone else is now doing it for me. I took guilt in this for some strange reason. I use to be on top of these things much more in the past, but over the years I have just gotten lazy about it…..
I think apart of it is I DO have help and I think that makes it worse, I can just have so and so do it. This really got bad during my pregnancy and afterwords because I couldn’t do these things. Even Derrick does the laundry. For the life of me I swear I can’t remember laundry. I blame it on the fact that in this house the washer and dryer is in another room where I cannot see or hear it… Kind of one of those out of sight out of mind? But the fact of the matter really is I am just lazy. I have no excuse not to clean. There, I said it! I HATE, DESPISE, CANNOT STAND cleaning! I Loathe it with a passion. It’s a job that NEVER feels done. While I LOVE the ended results. I hate the repetition of it. The I just cleaned this yesterday and now I have to repeat concept. However, I have no excuse for Makayla takes like three naps a day (I know lucky me) so there is time and I am just full of excuses!
I say that I just work on making the kids happy because it keeps momma sane. Funny thing, there is some truth in that statement for me. See when I clean, I like to CLEAN! Every little thing will annoy me. I don’t like it when people half ass clean, nope! I drag everything out and have to sort it all. Knowing this about myself makes the thought of cleaning even more tedious! Why? Because this takes HOURS. AND with 4 kids and spouse who has that time??? Then you think of the irony of the hours I spend on the computer before Derrick gets home from work. Truth of the matter is I could clean but I just don’t flat-out want to…. I could go the rest of my life and not clean and be perfectly happy…. But I don’t mean in that same sentence that I want to be or live dirty…. Just I would be fine if “I” didn’t have to clean it!!!
However, I have to wake back up to reality… I am not rich, or in the slightest bit wealthy. I don’t believe my children were born to be my slaves, and it’s not fair to make Derrick work AND clean the house
I am fully capable of cleaning this house. I just have to get off my toosh and just do it! I keep thinking about my life lately and it feels so chaotic and a mess. I really think there is some truth in how your house looks is a reflection of your life. My life is messy, therefore so is my house! Now, could I be on an episode of hoarders? Oh, Hell no! It’s not THAT kind of messy…. But enough to where say if you had company over you would be dashing to throw everything quickly into the closet or your other little sneaky hide away places (I know you have them we all do) that you stash things to where people can’t see them with out you actually putting them in their places!
To take this a little further I think this all ties into weight loss! I think to be successful in my mind not only do I fix the out but the in. I have to learn to be more active, and productive. When you are more productive your mind works better thus resulting in your body working better. It’s all tied into one nice and tiny box but the fact of the matter is I really don’t WANT to be lazy. Who really does?
Okay, I am sure some people do. BUT I don’t! I know that this is something only I can do! If I don’t want to be lazy then I just have to get up and do it. Force my but that is stuck to this chair, take a moment from my online mommy world, and FB the posts will still be there two hours later. And just straighten up. It’s not like its real hard labor! I mean I cleaning can be hard when you have a baby BUT it’s also not impossible (okay some days it defiantly feels like it) and I am not saying that everyday be a cleaning neurotic freak. But at the same time there is really is no reason for a really messy house. (unless you have a ton of toddlers then I say it’s pointless until nap time) but even there parts of the house should be neat. As much as I despise hearing Derrick say everything has it’s place. I know deep down this really is true.
Look I don’t want to be the mom that throws us all under the bus… I get it our jobs are hard. There are some days no, I really can’t do crap with the house. I am realistic. BUT I do think of all the time I did this when I could have done that! AND THAT’S my point! If I can spend even 10 straight minutes on the computer then I can spend 10 mins straightening up an area. I am not saying doing everything at once, a little goes a LONG way! But nothing will get done if you just sit there! So that’s the goal today. Take time out today to do something. I don’t care if I even set a timer for 10 mins every hour or so in 8 hrs that ads up to 80 mins of cleaning. Imagine what can be cleaned in just 80 mins? A little does go a LONG LONG way!
So today was my INR checked! Those who don’t know what an INR is, it’s just a simple blood test you have done by a prick of the finger and it tells you how fast your blood clots. Now they like your numbers to stay between 2-3. Today mine was a bit on the low side at 1.6 which just means my meds will need to be adjusted. I am not surprised though given I have been eating more greens and this can by all means affect your numbers as well as weight loss. Blood pressure was good 101/77 pulse was 60 🙂 I had not eaten yet when I left because I was going to try to get some of blood work done that my doctor requested that I have around now. BUT you have to fast with it, but by the time I got done with the INR testing it was noon and I needed to eat
So on my way home I was soooo craving this…. Sonic Double Cheese Burger w/Tator Tots as shown on your left! It is the ONLY double cheese burger I ever eat and usually I am totally stuffed after eating. I debated about this burger the whole ride home which took about 25 minutes! Imaging the warm tator tots and the cheesy cheese! It sounded so perfect. I was STARVING by this point. I just wanted food… Good food, QUICK food. But then I thought about money and how I shouldn’t spend any thing on just a burger. Those thoughts then left me with how I felt last night and how I said I don’t need big cheat days…. I mean I just had Mexican last night and I am sure that alone will make me suffer on the scale next week if I don’t work my tail off this afternoon! ugh…. See everything comes at a price! You just have to decide how much it is worth it to you! For me after much thought on my way home I had decided it wasn’t worth it to me. Did I want it? Yes, do I still, yeah, but not as bad as earlier.
So instead I came home and cooked myself something to eat. I made me some scrambled eggs with onions, mushrooms, spinach, turkey, some jalapeno weight watcher cheese, and a muffin with some cinnamon cream cheese on top and a water…. I went from a calorie count of 1420 calories had I gotten the burger and tots to 380 calories for my meal and I finished it off with some fruit I shared with my beautiful 9 month old daughter (some strawberries, black berries, and grapes). We both enjoyed that part the most! It was good, filling and hit the spot. No it wasn’t a big greasy cheese burger but I don’t really want that in the end anyways. I feel awesome, I have energy. I don’t feel run down and ready for a nap. Okay I could still take a nap but not from the food but from being in teething hell the past week or so… BUT that’s besides the point. It was a better choices. Will I always make the “right” choice. I don’t know, doubtful. But happy today I did. So that my friend I consider a victory! And that instead of just on my daily eats will go here! (Don’t forget to check my daily eat’s btw when checking my blog). I log in each day what I have eaten for the world to see.
First we shall start with I will be using my weigh in yesterday morning for today… Not because of the Mexican food I ate last night which no doubt I am sure effected my scale BUT more so because um the monthly hag came to visit (sorry guys) lol. So if you are a woman I am sure you understand. Really no point in weighing to get upset when the number doesn’t actually reflect true gain. Anyways so as of yesterday I am now down 4.6lbs That is a total loss of 1.2 pounds I believe from last week! While, I am not exactly happy with this snail speed of loss so early in the game I have to remind myself that my thyroid is regulating and my body is still healing from the PE and so many other things…. So I will still take bliss that I LOST and didn’t GAIN. That is a whole week of NO regaining what I just lost! Awesome!
Now, on to my day! Yesterday was very much a busy day. Got up made Derrick and I breakfast and then around lunch time got the kids from their dads for family pictures. Of course nothing ever goes as planned. I made the mistakes to buy my oldest some shoes for her dress without taking her with me since they were on sale at Payless. Needless to say they didn’t fit. GREAT! Off to the store we go with 2 hrs and counting until we had to leave for pictures. At the store NOT ONE stinking pair of shoes I was willing to pay for (look I refuse to pay 20 bucks for some sandals!) fit her! Two more stores later STILL nothing. I tell her she will have to deal with the black flip-flops that were a tad bit too small when we get home… So back home we go with an hour and counting now…..
Get home to have the baby POOP on the clothes she is supposed to wear for pictures! Figures! Derrick cleans her up for me and throws the clothes into the wash! I go into the girls room sure there has to be more shoes, and have a mini freak out over their room. I DO However, find a pair of shoes and insist now when we get home the room must be cleaned! ugh, kids and messes! We are now at 30 mins and counting and I still haven’t gotten dressed, fixed my hair OR done makeup! ugh! SO I get dressed, Quickly do my hair at which I am not very pleased with, grab M’s clothes out of the dryer that are still a bit damp (figured its a park she will dry off if anything a little coolness never killed anyone!) M didn’t mind! So now we get everyone out the door and on to the park…. I almost forget the purse I BELIEVED had all my make up….. Only to have us drive off, look in the purse to remember I switched purses and all that I have in the purse was a few items, consisting of just mascara, lipstick and a little eye shadow. Ugh, NO foundation, nothing… So had to make due with just that!
In the car heading to get our pictures done!
My son after we got done
M smiling AFTER we got our pics done and were heading home!
Pictures I think still went great, though my normally camera loving baby turned in to a who the heck are you taking picks of me and what the heck kind of camera do you have there in my face lol…. BUT we did get her to smile 🙂 and the older kids did great! After we are finished with that I find the “hag” showed her face, really now!!!! 10 days late and she comes on picture day! Thank god for black dresses! Back home we go! Finally get home and settled by this point it’s 7pm. I had promised my middle daughter a date night. Two weeks prior I took the kids to have some blood work done to see if they also have any blood disorders like me and while on our way to eat a lunch together two of the older three decided to complain and be a bit on the selfish side… So we didn’t go out and they ate lunch at home. Since K didn’t complain I promised her a night with mom. So off we went. Destination Mexican Food. I haven’t had Pancho’s since I was pregnant and before that it had a been a LONG while. I wasn’t going to worry about calories or whatnot tonight. It’s just me and my girl! BOY was that a crazy thing to do. I was STUFFED heck beyond STUFFED! Is there even a word for that? I was miserable. defiantly one of those night likes when you drink way too much and you are hovering over the porcelain bowl saying you will never drink again! THAT kind of stuffed! It was good of course but yeah, can’t be doing that! Luckily these trips are not often!
K at Dinner with me 🙂
After Dinner K and I went to Kroger to pick up some formula, some chicken for Derrick and some Greek yogurt…. Ah the greek yogurt. See I bought this big container of plain greek yogurt at good ole wally world… I open it yesterday morning to find MOLD in it! Ugh, I don’t think I have ever returned food before but this container was almost 6 bucks so yeah I am returning it. Wait in line for like 20 mins with K before we headed out for dinner, to find that I wasn’t the only one who returned it. Cashier makes a note how I am the second who has returned the exact product. And also says something about the power going out and the freezers stopped working for a bit. Wow that’s comforting….. I also point out the date on the product which stated MARCH 12th! It’s the 25! So refunds the money no questions asked! So I decided to then just get the yogurt at Kroger which is where I normally shop for my food since it’s right by my house. Get the yogurt. K and I go home unload. I go to put it in the fridge and as I was talking to Derrick thought I should check the date! Low and behold the date is MARCH 21st! First walmart NOW Kroger too! WTH? Ugh! So now I have to return that too. So beyond annoyed…..
Anywho! So that was my day yesterday! Today I have to get my good ole INR checked. Going to see if they can do the additional blood work my doctor wanted if not I guess I will go after I get done with the INR to do it….. Then in like two weeks or so I am supposed to have a follow-up. I am going to ask to see a different doctor this time though. I didn’t like the coo koo lady I had last time! Tell me that you can’t expect to eat 1500 cals a day weigh a ton and without much exercise you won’t lose weight… Shut up, I have lost over 60 pounds a few years ago and didn’t exercise at all and ate more cals then that! Roll eyes…. So also ordered an echo which I refuse to go to because I had JUST did one a month prior and it was fine, including the two previous ones the months before, there was no reason for it the others were done while in hospital out of precaution and I was declared the month prior my heart was fine! And it has been! So no read the results and then we can test! Besides she ordered a chest x-ray which that I did, if there was a cause of concern it would have shown in that. Since I never got a call I am assuming all is well (I hope lol). Luckily I am feeling better and better by the day so I am certain things are finally normalizing! yay! So that’s that…. well gotta start getting ready so I can leave in a hr for my appointment! Until tomorrow 🙂
So one of the things that surprised me as my family started eating much, MUCH healthier then before was that food wasn’t really much more expensive….. Now I won’t lie If I shopped all organic yeah it totally would be! But then again even with things like farmer market co-ops (please check these out if you haven’t heard of these because there might be one in your area) can really save you money and we hope to be apart of one really soon!
Anyways, I expected this super high food bill going more natural. See before in the past when I would try to lose weight I ate a lot of “low fat”, “low calorie”, “low carb”, really anything with the word “low”. I ate “diet” foods as well…. Most of it was processed foods which of course I know now that pretty much any time we take something out, we have to add a bunch of crap to fill it back up like Sodium or Carbs. So this time I wanted to just go more natural with less fillers! After four kids you really do start thinking about a lot of things. I have two with food allergies, and two who are also on the brink of puberty. We all know what a joy that is! And I just want the best for my children (not saying those out there don’t if they don’t eat like we do). I want them to be HEALTHY children who LIKE GOOD HEALTHY food!
So anyways, we were down on a lot of items, I had a few veggies at home and about a weeks worth of meat still…. Let me first stop and talk about meat… Another purchase I expected to change…. First I am not a huge humongo fan of things like ground turkey or chicken in the place of ground beef. While I will tolerate it, let’s face it, it’s NOT beef! Not even close! But what I have learned with our new portion size and well adding beans lol I have cut our meat consumption down by half if not more. For instance say I was making Taco’s. I normally would cook up about 2.5 pounds of ground beef. By all means there is 5.5 of us (the baby hardly qualifies as a whole since she eats like a pea size amount of food because we all know most of it does not end up in their mouths but either in the high chair or if you kid is like mine ON THE FLOOR!). Now that we are eating healthier I purchase just 1 pound and use things like beans (which I have done this in the past) and brown rice or quinoa as a “filler”. This works actually very nicely and less meat which also typically mean LESS calories. Now, we actually are not big ground meat people naturally but one of the other nice things was since I cut down on ground beef that allowed a once in a while purchase of steak! Now a four pack of steak is two meals for Derrick and I since on the weekends it is just us and the baby!
And of course there is chicken but that didn’t change except again I am now able to double the meals. I also started buying my chicken in the tenderloin shape instead of a whole breast to make sure we don’t over eat on chicken! Two tenders are quiet enough!
I have found with veggies and fruit that buying in season saves a ton as well as not buying many processed foods. You would be shocked at how just not eating things like lean cuisine saves you! In fact you can cook yourself not only a healthier meal at home for lunch BUT you can have more of it. Because, if you are anything like me those meals are itty bitty and well I am hungry 5 minutes later!!!! So save the tummy growl, get off your toosh and cook you some food! If you want to make more excuses like I just don’t have the time, then you can do what a friend of mine does which is she cooks all her meals for a month in just ONE day.. Yep it can be done.
http://onceamonthmom.com/menus/ here is the link incase you are interested, the blog actually gives you different menu’s for different types of meal lifestyles. So there isn’t much excuses!!!! It even gives you a lovely shopping list! ha! Try me now! More excuses? ” I am tired”, “I don’t want to” you say…. Well with those you just have to say to yourself, how much do I want this????? If you want it bad enough I am damn sure you will make it happen right? Well how bad do you want it?
So back to my shopping trip (sorry I tend to get off topic sometimes)… I spent 101 dollars total, and honestly I am okay with that…. I got 2 dozen cage free eggs, 2 bags of grapes, 3 gallons of water, 1 gallon of milk, 1 1/2 gallon of soy milk, 2 heads of lettuce, 2 bundles of mushrooms, 3 tomatoes, a bag of green apples, a bag of red apples, a bundle of bananas, a pineapple, a container of different types of lettuce, big container of raw spinach, 2 containers of black berries, 2 containers of strawberries, 1 big container of Greek yogurt, philly chocolate cups, 3 containers of laughing cow cheese, 2 stalk of celery, 2 bags of bite size carrots, 1 loaf of 45 cal bread, 2 boxes of organic quinoa, 1 box of unsalted natural butter, 2 bell peppers, 4 cans of tuna and a diet dr pepper to drink on my way home (my treat when I go out)! Now if I was buying a full weeks worth of groceries, just add a few more veggies and about 30 dollars worth of meat or less (depending on sales at Kroger) and you are done which actually would put me BELOW my normal shopping trip of 200 a week in groceries! In fact I think with a little more smart shopping a head of me I can get our bill down to about 150 AND still eat healthy! So see you don’t have to eat crap food if you don’t have a ton of money… Heck even if we had to I could spend a ton less and still eat healthy I mean you can make soups make a ton and it’s CHEAP to make! A huge container of oatmeal last a heck of a lot longer than cereal. You just have to really start learning how to meal plan and think sometimes outside of the box! Think to yourself how much crap food do I buy? If I didn’t get this food that I don’t really “NEED” how much more GOOD food could I buy with the money I saved? I personally choose to be healthy what do you choose?
So yesterday I ate a fiber bar, subway and well, pigged out on some pizza! Now I did go to the park with the kids, did some walking but didn’t do the shred as planned! However, I still was active which I think is the point. Anyways, I feared weighing this morning, I thought “I ate that pizza and this is going to kill my numbers” and low and behold I finally LOST I was down a few points but hell I will take it! It’s a 4lbs…. So this got me thinking this morning maybe I just DO NEED to eat all my calories, as much as it’s so hard to wrap around my head that eating loses weight vs not…. I still have a really hard time with this concept. Probably because I mostly starved myself as a teen who knows….. I think what makes things harder on me is the weighing every day. I think for now on I will stick to the measurements and if something seems weird with those I will add a weigh in but after today I will just weigh on Monday’s and see how that goes for me. On one hand I think weighing daily makes me feel accountable, on the other hand I freak when I gain or don’t lose much even though I logically know that we have fluids, bowels and such that fluctuate weight. I am eager to see what Monday’s weigh in will be…. God I hope it’s a loss… This is also a sign that my thyroid is defiantly finally kicking in. My meds must be working now!
I know it’s only been a few weeks since I have really been actively watching my foods. I have before in the past counted calories to get a general idea but this time I am actually counting every thing that goes into my mouth every.single.day! I have lost 3.4lbs so far and weighed this morning and so far it’s still the same. I know this number is what they say you should lose, but lets face it I have a ton to lose usually the first few weeks you lose quiet a bit in just water alone! I am with in calories of course, but thinking two things One. is that I may not eat my work out calories and see what that does
(which normally I still don’t eat all my calories anyways) and two I think it’s all about what I am eating and not as much as the calories. I know my sodium is at a good range. I also started measuring my body and have found some big fluctuations, like one day one leg was like 3 inches bigger then the other but by morning they were almost the same. I guess it all still adds up to what I believed which is, I am in fact swelling. If that is the case I am not going to go very far with this weight loss I am afraid to say at least given what has happened in my past experiences (I will most likely just fluctuate with in a 10lb range no more no less).
I really, really thought that maybe I was wrong ! That my problem was after all my diet. But I am seeing that it’s not a calorie issue, before this crap started eating like I am now I would have lost like 10lbs the first freaking week! I am working out, drinking water, eating below the amount of calories it takes to maintain and ugh…… But so far in this weight loss it’s just really starting to look like I am very much so right about why I weigh what I do and why I can’t seem to lose the weight no matter what I do! I am still researching and trying new things to see what might help but this is annoying….
Derrick noticed last night when I was tracking my food into MFP (My fitness Pal) once you complete for the day it gives you an idea on what you will weigh in 5 weeks, it’s week 3 and I am still nowhere near what it says I should weigh given how I have been eating. Derrick however, has lost quiet a bit since I really started changing our diets the past several months (lost over 35lbs already go derrick) I am so proud of him but I wish it was me too…. I even started adding exercise in my routine daily this week. He made a comment last night about how it seems it’s going to take forever for me to even reach the first goal at this rate and I feel the same. He really feels we need a good doctor that listens, he has been with me thinner and now much bigger so he knows this isn’t “normal” for me and yet getting a doctor to see that sometimes isn’t so easy! I guess if anything it’s just more data to give to the doctors to help convince them what I have thought all a long. I swear I feel I will never lose 10lbs! ugh. If I can’t even lose 10lbs how on earth will I lose 150? It just makes me feel like a big fat failure!