Vacations set you back

Man, so, my family and I took a little mini staycation this past weekend to finish off their spring break week.  My husband and I both took off work on Friday and had a weekend with the kids full of swimming and bad foods.

I won’t lie, I swear I think I probably regained everything I lost.  Given right now it’s probably all fluid it’s quiet possible.  I haven’t been brave enough to weigh myself yet.  (Someones in denial) lol.

Ugh, it just sucks but good news is we don’t have anymore outings like that for a month.  I have to find a balance to things like this.  I know that having stuff once in a while isn’t horrible.  BUT I do need to get into the mindset that I can eat out and on plan and it doesn’t have to feel like torture.

The worst part about it was the fact that I really didn’t end up enjoying most of it.  I do think I am slowly losing my want for certain foods which is a nice change.  But we shall see.

PMS is here full swing which also sucks.  It means not only do I gain fluid BUT I gain lovely mood swings like a mofo!  Having PMDD I swear is like PMS on crack!  It’s not fun for anyone in my house (Or at work) lol.

I am trying to work through it but man it’s hard sometimes.  All I want to do is sleep and eat.  Sigh…. So anyways…. Here is to a new weeks after vacation lol.

Never fear I’m still here

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I know this week I have been quiet.  It was a rough week last week and this week.  This weekend we are going away with the kids to a hotel to spend some time with my sister.  I’m really excited.

I didn’t have the best eating this past weekend and my scale shows (boo) and it’s PMS time (yay! NOT!) so gains are normal but I am hoping for at least a maintain by tomorrow.  Not quiet sure if it will happen but we shall see.

Either way I will just have to do my best.  This weekend will be most likely a lot of easy foods given we will be in a hotel all weekend (that doesn’t have a kitchen! I should have planned this better!).

But hey it’s vacation and well, not something we do often at all!  And well, I have nothing like this for a few months from now so that’s good.  I haven’t been to the gym in a while but will be going back.

I wasn’t feeling great last week, then the little one got really sick, this week is just one of those F it all weeks and then this weekend we will be gone.  I know excuses, excuses…

But believe me my body is ready go to back on Monday!  It sucks I have to keep restarting my C25K program but all in all it’s fine.  I mean, this is MY journey so with that said it means that If I have to start over time and time again I will.

No one said I had to do things by a certain time but sooner vs later is always better!

So with that said it’s Spring Break here!  Do you have any new plans for the up coming Spring?

Weigh in Friday

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Yes, I know it’s not Friday it’s Saturday but I had a sick three old who needed all my attention on Friday so I spent that time with her instead of posting my weigh in Friday.  So last week my weigh in was 309!  My current Weight in *Saturday* is 306! Woot Woot.

I have to admit I am super excited.  While I am not at my lowest that I have been on this journey in general this is the first time in this journey I am consistently losing through out the month.  I have lost a total of 18lbs in the past 3 weeks :)

I haven’t found this journey to be hard at all.  I still do eat some foods here and there but overall I am not overly hungry, I feel satisfied and the weight is coming off so I have to say that keeping the carbs down is defiantly working.

I also had a very light AF I think due to them taking me off of Warfrin this I believe also made a huge change too.  I noticed everytime I didn’t have AF or it was very light I was able to lose the whole month. I do fear slightly AF will come back hard core and all will be lost but for now I can’t think like that.  So there ya go :) 3 more lbs down this week!

Because my doctor wants me to

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I don’t know why but I seem to have a hard time just saying “because I want to”.  It’s not a hard thing to say in general.  But when eating out, company lunches, being with friends etc.  It just seems easier say because my doctor wants me to or I told my doctor.  

The truth is I didn’t.  I mean yes, I told her I would give it a go.  But in no shape or form was she like you are going to do this right?  It really has been MY decision.  However, I found that when tell others it’s your decision they find reasons to go against it.  Including YOURSELF!

You get it’s just this once, I don’t do this often, a little won’t hurt, etc.  While I do believe these to be true I found when I say I promised my doctor I would do this, or my doctor says people don’t push it.  It’s as if oh, well, a medical professional said not to now I will respect your wishes.

It’s annoying but an observation none the less I have come to realize.  I even do this with myself.  If I make it about my doctor some how in my mind I stay more committed.  I think sometimes this is psychological in the way of thinking that “I don’t matter”.  

At least that my theory.  So what do you do about this?  Well, for annoying people I would say the doctor excuse just works but for the rest of the folks put your foot down and make this about you.  This is YOUR life, not theirs.  You are doing something that is good for YOU.  

Just because they want to do something doesn’t mean you have to join and it doesn’t mean you can’t still be apart of the activity just because you are doing it a little bit differently.  We need to really get over ourselves.  We need to also stop thinking what we *think* is best for others.

Sure we will always have opinions.  But it’s not fair to assume you know all and your way is the ONLY way.  This is a HUGE note to myself.  I am extremely guilty of this.  But hey apart of growing is learning.  I think this is why old people tend to be so wise.  You live, you learn.

My doctor doesn’t make me do this.  *I* make me do this because *I* want this for myself!

Weigh in Friday & Weekend getaway!

IMG_20150301_181241Well, first before I got into my weekend get a way, I thought I would first post what my weigh in Friday was!  So last Friday when I weighed in I was 312lbs this Friday… Drum roll please….

I was 309!  That’s a new low for this year!

I have to say that I am slightly afraid that my weekend might have caused a gain but I have already told myself I will not weigh in, I will not go nuts, I will just stay on plan the rest of the weekend and keep moving on!

So Friday was a bit of a crazy day.  Here in Dallas we ended up with several inches of snow.  I wish I took pics but I honestly forgot.  I was a bit nervous because D and I had plans for a bit of a staycation.  We were going to go to a local hotel for the weekend.  We like to do this once every few months so that we can reconnect with each other.

We both got off of work early due to the weather.  So, I picked up D from work and off to the hotel we went.  We spent our weekend with great food, conversation, some Jacuzzi time, and couple of activities in between.  All in all it was a nice getaway!  Hopefully, I didn’t regain all I lost but did find I didn’t have a huge appetite which hopefully helped! All in all I give my weekend two thumbs up.

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So what things do you do while on vacation to keep yourself accountable or do you go with the flow and say “I will worry about this when I get home?”.

 

Hello ICE!

So, I haven’t been around since Friday but I do have a good excuse, well, kind of… I guess I could of blogged at home.  On Monday we were hit by an ice storm.  Which hey, this is Dallas which means EVERYTHING pretty much was shut down.  This then carried into Tuesday.  So for two days I had to work from home.

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One would think this would give one more time but it doesn’t.  I normally do all my blogging at working in the morning hours waiting for 8 to come so I can clock in.  It helps to pass time.  But when I am home, I won’t lie, I SLEEP! lol What? I need my beauty rest.

Today we were suppose to wake up to snow but nope, woke up to lots of rain.  They claim we will still get snow but right now I feel skeptical.  I mean this is Dallas! lol but Either way I would like to see some white stuff that’s NOT ice!

So yeah, that’s why I haven’t been around.

So on the weight loss side, I was annoyed this week because the scale wasn’t moving and it’s slowly moving up which made NO sense because I was calculating everything.  I know AF is coming so for now I am going to blame that and call it a day.  Hopefully, Friday either will be a loss.

I am excited for this weekend though!  D and I are going away for a kind of stay vacation.  We are getting a hotel room for two days and spending the weekend with NO kids!  Whoo-hoo…. I find this to be BLISS.  I love my kids but also love some one on one time with my hubby!

So all in all I really can’t complain.  Things have been pretty decent!  How are things for you?  Any fun weather where you are?

Weigh In Friday

20150220_075125Well, weigh in’s have officially started.  I do typically weighin almost daily because of my fluid issues.  But I feel like apart of being accountable in this process is actually saying what the numbers are!

I hate saying the numbers.

One of the things I have learned in this journey is how much we as a society are quick to judge and assume.  I am a great example of that.  People will look at me and think 1. I eat a ton of food 2. I am lazy 3. I never work out 4. I never eat healthy 5. I don’t care about myself.  The list goes on.

People don’t like to accept they could be wrong.  That some things just are not black and white.  But anyways, the other part of this journey is accepting that part of life too and learning to move on despite it.  While, I might be able to change a few minds here and there I know at the end of the day it won’t change the world.

Because of that I have only myself that I need to focus on in this journey not the rest of the people who have no idea what this journey really is like for us.

SO! On to the weigh in.  On the 16th I had weighed in and I was 324 this morning when I weighed in the scale said…… 312! :)

Now, don’t fear I am not doing anything unhealthy, the loss is larger because I battle with fluid.  It’s not fat loss.  While it is the lowest I have been this year after looking through my weigh ins I have been close every month around the same time of the month (which felt a bit of a let down).

So with that said, I will continue on.  Be happy about the loss and if it goes back up despite my efforts it’s just more to show the doctor.  It’s why we are doing all of this.  It’s why I am logging all my food, why I am weighing in frequently.  So we can pin point why my body is doing what it is doing and how to fix it.


So I will accept my loss and hope it keeps going down.  So here is to another Weigh in Friday!  Hopefully I will have more smilie faces next week! :) Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!  I know mine is already looking up!

I ate it and I logged it

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I will tell you right now I am HORRIBLE at tracking my food.  It’s pretty much up there with having to take my daily pills.  I just despise doing it.  However, as we get older we find we just have to do things we don’t always like.  So for me right now tracking my food is just one of those things.

So last night we wanted to treat the kids and took them to red lobster.  I will admit this was a HUGE challenge for me.  I knew my carb count would be up but had a goal in mind I had to keep my count still below 50.  With apps, our meal AND dessert I am proud to say I actually DID succeed!  I was shocked actually!

Not only was I shocked that I went to a place I love to eat and I usually LOVE to eat all the foods that pretty high in carbs but I actually logged everything I ate in my fitnesspal.  I also log it into my personal journal.  But that’s huge for me.  I don’t think I have EVER went into a restaurant other than fast food and actually logged my meal.

Normally, I am like nope not gonna this is a cheat meal lol but last night it wasn’t.  And wasn’t meant to be a “cheat” meal. While my carb count was over for the day where I aim daily for, it still wasn’t high.  My carb count for the whole day was just at 100.  Which is the max I give myself.  So I still call that success.

And it does show because the water weight once again is releasing.  I think to keep this water off I am going to have to just keep sticking to this day in and day out.  It’s the only way I will for sure know.  But for now I will be happy about my tiny victory :)

What things have you done in your journey that surprised you?

It’s only as hard as you make it

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This journey is only as hard as I make it.  

I am working hard today to keep this in my mind.  I believe most things in life and how we respond to them are mentally challenged.  I believe greatly in life is more about what you do with it than what happens to you.  My journey then would be no different.

One of the biggest obstacles in this journey has been overcoming what happened to me. Moving past what has been done and going from there.  Moving past the doctors who were wrong, the answers we haven’t found, and the results that were not gained.  I cannot control the past nor the actions of others.

I refuse to keep torturing myself.  Telling myself how “hard” this is.  I know many who strive on – “I worked hard and that made it worth it for me…” And don’t get me wrong there isn’t anything wrong with working hard.  I do believe great things happen through hardship.

BUT and there is a but,  I am a huge believer that it doesn’t *have* to be hard!

You have to ask yourself, “what is REALLY hard about this?”  Is eating healthy in general hard? Is doing some sort of exercise hard? Is writing down what you eat hard?

Let’s start with the first one.  Is eating healthy hard?  In a short answer for most people no.  It’s really not difficult.  You have to pin point a few things 1.  What do you consider healthy? 2. What is your budget like? 3. What is your surroundings like?

Before you even begin ask yourself what exactly is hard.  For example for me, eating healthy is hard when you are surrounded by foods that are high in carbohydrates.  What is hard about this is mentally I know I WANT the food that is high in carbohydrates.  What is hard is telling myself that I don’t NEED that food that is high in carbohydrates.

So then you are left with say in my case, that it’s not eating healthy that is hard it’s more being in situations where there is temptation is hard.  Thus making it that avoiding temptations is mentally challenging.

So let’s try number 2.  Is doing some sort of exercise hard.  Now this one is tricky.  It’s tricky because for some people the most simplest exercise may in fact be hard to do.  BUT I would say for the average person that if you can move your arms, legs, body in some shape of form then all in all you CAN do some sort of exercise.

I think we under-estimate exercise.  Exercise can be just going for a walk.  No one says how long you have to do it, how hard you must do it, or how much you must sweat doing it.  There are suggestions, but in this journey there is ALWAYS a starting point and that starting point is typically an easy one.  Just getting yourself up and moving.

However, you will find it’s not the exercise that’s hard.  What’s hard is getting yourself motivated to move, what’s hard is your body getting use to moving more often or finding time to fit activity in your life.  BUT moving?  No, moving in general for most people isn’t hard.

Lastly, is writing down what you eat hard?  Unless you don’t know how to write this by far is one of the easiest things to do.  It’s not that it’s hard.  I know for me it’s that it’s annoying.  But hard? No… It’s not hard.

I set myself up for hard.  By putting my mind in thinking this hard I setting road blocks.  I giving myself a negative indication that I will struggle.  Now, don’t take this the wrong way.  It doesn’t mean there still isn’t a struggle.  However, it’s about your mind.  Something being a challenge doesn’t mean it has to be so hard that you just can’t do it.

You want to know what makes a victory so gratifying that you felt was hard?  Because *I believe* apart of you doubted you.  Apart of you deep down feared you might not make it so when you did it felt awesome because honestly, apart of you was shocked.

I mean how many times do you do something you KNOW you can do and you are like Yeah, I did that?  Normally, you are like yeah, okay I did this, and what? I don’t know some random thoughts here but there is a point I am trying to make here.

That point is simple.  Find out the source of your problem, the roots of what your struggles are.  If you find those out, then I do believe your journey will not be so hard.  And don’t think that because the journey isn’t so incredibly hard that it’s now not worthy of praise.

We have some weird fixation that only things that were difficult to do are worthy.  We hold people on higher pedestals when we see some doing something we perceive as difficult.  WE do so because of doubt.  We are amazed when people do things we *think* we couldn’t do.  But that the thing, we all can we just don’t believe we can.

It’s kind of like me being a mom of four.  Many ask “how do you do it”?  “your hands are full I bet”.  The fact is, while some days are hard all in all I can do it because I have come accustom to it.  It’s a way of life for me.  To me it’s almost like asking, wow you can breathe, is it hard?  No, not really as long as you have lungs.  I had to decide as a mom I can make this as difficult as I wanted it to be. And when challenges do arise I decide how “hard” I perceive them to be!  And honestly, having one to have four no matter the number being a mom always has times of hard.  I am not to be praised any more or less of a mother with just 1.  WE both work hard to give our child(ren) the best!  So both of us should be proud of that!

So don’t think that because your journey isn’t the most difficult journey out there that it’s not important.  Doing things day in and day out that is good for you and your body should ALWAYS be admired and praised.  It’s not about how hard the work is.  It’s about you loving you and respecting YOUR body!  The hardest thing I think in life is loving yourself.  IF you can over come that….. Anything really is possible!

I know I say that and I am here constantly struggling, but I do believe it and I like many of you, I am a work in progress.  I have not gotten a 100% to that point (of loving myself) but I am working on it.  I do believe that great things will come as I look more toward knowing I can do things vs focusing on the hardship of doing them!

This journey isn’t built on how hard it was to get here but that I believed in myself and I didn’t give up.

 

My 30 day commitment

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I have decided to make a commitment! I know I have said or thought of this in the past.  I know that I keep saying and failing to do it.  However, this morning I had to think long and hard about what I really want.  After gaining 10lbs over the weekend.  Yes, 10 freaking pounds.  I decided that I really can’t keep doing this.  I logically know that I didn’t gain 10lbs of fat.  It’s fluid. I have to combat against the fluid.  The ONLY thing that has worked with combating fluid was lowering my carb count.  Period! I just HAVE to do this.

I have to treat this like a drug for me.  I thought of this today.  This morning on my way to work I was like ya know, how is it I gain fluid SO much so fast?  Water or not it’s hard to swallow… Then I thought about drugs… While, I know unlike drugs and alcohol I cannot avoid food the symptoms ARE still the same.  I thought about it like drugs and thought, this would be like me taking a drug and getting upset that I got high!

I cannot expect a different result.  The facts for my body are clear.  Higher carb foods despite my calorie counts has major effects to my body.  Cheat days just can’t happen.  Because cheat days turn into multiple cheat days to cheat weeks and etc.  This is a conscious choice.  I CAN decide!  What’s more important to me?  I must have determination.  This isn’t about will power that WILL come and go there is no doubt.  It’s about being determined to live a healthier lifestyle.

I have to drop what seems unfair.  Yes, it’s unfair that some people can do a simple thing like quit soda and lose weight while I have quit far more and didn’t have the same results.  Yes, it’s unfair that I have to exercise more, Yes, it’s unfair that my body holds on to water like it will die without it.  And I am not talking about water that you drink lol.  Yes, it’s unfair that I look the way I do when I KNOW I didn’t eat myself here.  BUT ya know what?  I can’t do anything about that other than to change what I know has given me at least SOME results.

Right now this will be 30 whole freaking days!  The end goal is 90.  I thought long and hard why did I not say 90 and frankly I fear failure right now.  I want to take baby steps and just think of the first 30 days.  However, after the 90 days is up.  IF I can do this plan for a WHOLE 90 days and I DON’T see results THEN I will consult other options.

I know I have several huge risk factors with something like surgery.  It’s not something I will take lightly.  However, I NEED to be smaller.  Not for vanity but for health.  With my clotting disorder I have huge risk factors being over weight.  I MUST find a good formula to make this possible.  I have goals for myself that I want to see.  I have dreams.  I have to make a choice.  And I have.  And I will. 

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