I haven’t blogged much lately partially because I have been busy and because I haven’t had a ton to say. PMS has totally kicked in so I am pretty moody so instead of a post of talking for paragraphs I thought I would some sentences of some things that have been going through my mind lately.
1. While, I know that the scale officially hates me during PMS I made the mistake to weigh today and got ticked and ate a horrible breakfast.
2. I am terrified of losing a ton of weight and suffering with tons of loose skin. With my blood disorder surgery may not be an option while vain it weighs on my mind.
3. I am so freaking sore today and kind of don’t want to go to class because of it.
4. I wonder if I will ever work out and NOT be sore! Not being able to walk from pain isn’t a soreness I feel I can embrace well.
5. Friday night I had a great training session with a personal trainer (the ones from the gym) and I rocked it and still pretty proud of it.
6. More than ever I am amazed at how far my breathing has come from a year in a half ago since my clots.
7. I do more now with work outs and eating than I ever have and yet I remain to be the heaviest I ever have been.
8. Sometimes I wonder if I am just making excuses
9. While other times I feel so strongly something is wrong but just afraid of being wrong.
10. I fear dying and being big. It’s funny it’s not really the fact of dying because I am big but more so dying before I reached my goal if that makes sense.
11. I totally hate PMS
12. My appointment with the specialist is in 24 days and I can’t wait. But have a small fear I will be ignored.
13. I have been thinking a lot again about my goal to be a midwife and wondering when in my life that will be possible.
14. I secretly would love to teach a fitness class and think I could be good at it
15. I am super sleepy today
What are some things on your mind today?