The Wheels in Motion

So yeah, I haven’t been around here much lately.  I have started working a second job which takes up majority of my free time.  I haven’t blogged much at all lately, mostly because I haven’t been very inspired to do so. However, I feel an update was necessary.  Ironically, not much going on here (as to why I feel I should update)… My eating has been kind of whatever and my weight has maintained it seems.  Makes no sense to me but whatever.  I have a doctors appointment in like two weeks to start going over all my issues.  I can’t say at this point I am very hopeful but I figured I would entertain it.  Besides I need a new doctor since I have insurance now.

Other than that there is a whole lot to report.  The wedding planning is moving along.  I finally finished our wedding website http://www.weddingwire.com/mistynderrick.  We still have to pick out who our caterer is going to be.  We thought we knew and then I kind of changed my mind so we have been going on a bunch of taste testings.  Sounds like fun right?  Kinda, except for now I am more confused and probably more bloated lol.  But hey it is what it is.  I have a month until alterations for my dress and I fear that I am not going to fit into my dress!  Ugh, why can’t these be things that you get like the weekend before.  Then there is no stress right?  I think so at least.

Second job is moving along okay.  Boss lady is an interesting one but all in all I really like the job.  I think it has a lot of potential. So that’s really it.  Not a whole lot going on here.  I know for sure I will update about my appointment.  Who knows maybe it will be a good thing? Only time will tell….

It’s just amazing

So what a week or so ago maybe longer, I don’t care to check right now I told you guys that I was done.  What’s so amazing me right now is my complete loss of a fight.  I seriously feel totally tapped out. I have zero desire to do this journey.  I hate to say I don’t care but I do care.  I also hate when people say then you must not want it enough.  (not to my face but when people quit) but the fact is it’s not that I don’t want it but more so that I am tired.

Yes, there are people who apparently can fight and do things and they are these wonderful machines.  I am not.  I am this flawed human who right now says right now I just don’t have it in me.  I just don’t.  At this point I am like that toddler lol in the corner saying nope, not gonna do it.  Stupid I know… But I have done this journey for 2 years.  Of course my weight loss woes were much longer than 2 years.  But for 2 years I really had all this fight that I AM going to do this.

The fact is, I had that fight because I believed I would.  I believed that someone would give me an answer.  I believed that maybe I was wrong and if I did these things everyone told me to do a miracle would happen.  I thought if I busted my ass, exercised, ate good that I would infact lose weight.  When that didn’t happen I got mad.  Furious!  Angry.  annoyed. and then just sad…. I was wrong…..

So why now is there no fight?  Because I honestly have lost faith.  I am so annoyed that I can weigh in the SAME exactly weight range eating normally and NOT working out as I do eating awesome and working out constantly.  To me that makes zero sense by everything I have been taught.  But what can I do?  I mean sure of course one should just do those things because it feels good right?

Well, honestly, it didn’t really to me.  Working out was painful.  While I did enjoy my class I didn’t enjoy the pain.  The thought of being treadmills, running or anything of those things make me want to hide lol.  I just don’t want to do them anymore.  It’s like no it’s SO freaking boring now.  It’s old, btdt and wrote the story.  I just am NOT interested.  I am sick of cooking.  Like really sick of cooking.  I have not turned like some new leaf.  I did not turn into one of those who I hated it and now I love it.  Nope, still hate it with a passion actually.  It’s seriously almost like torture for me.  I would rank cooking with washing dishes or putting up clothes I just washed.  You only do these things because you know you need too but you totally stall each time you have to do it.

I just don’t have a desire.

I have this teeny tiny piece of hope that some day I will figure this out.  It’s why I am still working toward seeing my old doctor (which financially I had to hold off on only because I know she will test everything under the sun).  but I also know in the end that this may not happen for me.  I wonder if everyone is supposed to be a success story?

What’s more confusing is I don’t feel like ME.  Like in my body right now I feel “thin” but I am not. I do not look thin.  But I don’t “feel” fat.  Unless of course I look into a mirror or try on clothes or god forbid sit in a small chair lol.  But all in all my mind seems to think I am thinner.  I honestly don’t FEEL heavy.  I mean my weight holds me back from things no doubt.  But I don’t feel like what I weigh.  maybe I thought at this weight I would feel heavy?  I don’t know.

Anyways, I just wanted you guys to know that I am still here and alive.  I am sorry I don’t blog much these days.  It’s just I don’t know what to say anymore :(

The fight has been lost

I don’t know a better way to say this but to simply say it.  I don’t have the fight in me anymore.  It’s just gone.  For two years I did so many things that were told for me to try and somethings sorta helped and others didn’t help as much.  But nothing was something that really not only seemed like a long term fit or something that really was working for me in the long term.

I find that eating good or eating bad I stay in the same EXACT weight range (which I find quiet odd).  I see people all around me eating right and exercising and losing weight, or lifting and losing weight… basically I see people doing the things I tried and succeed and here I am still the same as I was two years ago.  The fight is just no longer in me.  It really isn’t…

I have found I don’t like going to the gym anymore and don’t.  I eat still pretty decent I would say that 90% of the time my foods still are non processed foods.  I still care about my health don’t get me wrong.  But I am sick of this process…. I don’t even have anything to write about anymore because I have written it all.  I am not full of the believe in yourself you can do it BS all those who are losing give you.  Step in my body for a month and then tell me all the BS you are shelling out.  It’s not helping me that’s for sure.

I swear I don’t think I can tolerate another photo of someone else’s weight loss story.  I am seriously just done…. I’m not going to shoot rainbows up your butt and tell you it will be okay because lets face it for some of us it just isn’t.  Even if we really do want it…

The Weight Total for the Month is….

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IMG_8359So this morning I weighed in.  I know Monday has been my weigh in day.  But I thought to put things into perspective that I would see how I did for a whole months time.

I had started the elimination diet on the 27th of last month.  Since I have had some foods.  The diet was more so in support of family which some foods we have found to be issues and others were not.  So it’s been interesting.

I stared the month off at 303.4 and I ended the month with 297.0 which puts me at a total loss for the month at 6.4lbs.  Honestly, this is STILL good.  So, yeah, earlier this month I was 294 but I can’t focus on that at all.

It’s the over all picture!

AF is due tomorrow so we shall see what the numbers do.  But for now I am okay with 6.4lbs lost.  I am really considering weighing once a month.  I figure if I need to make sure I am on track I can weigh but I don’t want to focus too much about numbers.

So there ya have it folks.   Let’s see what next month brings.

Temptation

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Man, it’s hard not to give into temptation!  For me that is typically eating out.  If I know I have the money in my pocket I am ready and willing!  However, afterwards I am annoyed 1. because I ate crap and 2. because I really hate wasting money on food when I have food at home!

That doesn’t mean I don’t think it’s not okay to go out once in while.  In fact I don’t see anything wrong with it at all.  BUT for me, 1 day turns into like 3.  Like for instance this weekend I had to pick up my van so D and I ate out, then I had to meet up with my friends to look at dress so we ate out and by Sunday I was craving me some Mexican food so you guessed it! I ate out.

All this morning I had to tell my brain NO! you are not eating out!  I had enough.  Not to mention this Saturday I have to do a food tasting (such the wedding planning life) so I already know I will be eating out again.  AND it’s a date night so yeah!  Which also means I have to keep myself in check.

If I want this weight to come off I can’t slip into those old habits.  I also noticed that I did much better with the more strict elimination diet.  I have started to see what works and what doesn’t.  Like rice and quinoa had no effect on my weight.  even white rice to boot.  This also included potatoes.  Yep, I had WHITE potatoes.  Not that I don’t love sweet ones don’t get me wrong!

But things like almond milk, too much granola, rice pasta the weight slowed even eating with in calorie range.  This does tell me that obviously our bodies totally respond to different types of foods.  So I will say that it is much more than calories in vs out but also what you eat.  Now, with that said I can still lose eating those things just the weight loss is typically much, much slower.

I do think that we have been told so much about weight loss we are all confused.  Like the whole 1-2lb a week loss and how rapid weight loss is bad.  The facts are though, for bigger people a more rapid loss is NORMAL. Usually this is because their diets are packed with so much sodium they were retaining a ton of fluid.  Of course we know I still don’t get rapid weight loss much anyways lol.

However, I won’t shun someone for losing 3lbs or so in a week.  I don’t think the problem is really losing weight fast.  I think the problem is finding something that’s not a temporary fix.  When you eat in a temporary setting then your results will be temporary!  Period!  I hate when people say “diet” vs “life style” as if “diet” is such an evil word.  When in reality the word “diet” just means what you eat.

I don’t know why the word “life style” makes my eye roll but it totally does.  I say eat a diet that works for you that you can stick to there for yes, making it a life style.  Ick that word.  lol anyways, the hardest part is that dang ole’ temptation.  I know there are some that say this isn’t hard but man when you start cutting out a ton of foods it kind of is.  Especially, when it’s something you are just not use to.

However, it’s also not the hardest thing ever.  Weight loss in general can be for sure but the act of eating good food really isn’t.  It’s all about retraining your brain.  Which, hey, I am working on.  So for today, while the temptation was totally there I totally didn’t cave and went home and ate there.  1 point for Misty 0 for temptation! Yeah!

What was your most recent victory?

So many *New* things…

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Well, boy oh boy was this weekend eventful.  Not only did I get my van on Friday! Woot – Woot…  As many of you know my van crapped out on me.  We were not exactly expecting it but we were left to get something else.  We are cash family so this always makes my searches even harder.

BUT I found her!  She fits me perfectly.  We paid 3,300 for her (350 less than they were asking) and couldn’t be happier.  Miles isn’t too bad 120K especially for a used van.  Our last was about that and it lasted us 4 years.  And hey, can’t beat no car payment!  Here she is in all her glory!

my *new* van

I also went out with my bridesmaids on Saturday, paid for my dress and we found my bridesmaids dresses as well :) I am so excited!!!!  The wedding planning is slowly moving along.  We had a blast.

bmbmday

Now, on to find another job to pay for everything else to really start building back our savings! I did end up eating out a lot this weekend but to my surprise I didn’t gain so that’s nice.  I am not as low as I was earlier this month.  BUT I noticed that the 27th will more one month from when I started this and if you go by that I still have lost 5lbs!

So honestly, I can’t be upset!  I mean 5lbs in one month is still good.  So I am gonna keep trucking along!  :) The fact that I am not staying at least where I started is good.  I will weigh in on the 27th for my one month weigh in.  I was thinking I might actually do all my progress tracking by month vs by week.

So much changes in a day/week that I want to go by the over all progress not the up and downs.  I might even just make it where I just weigh in once a month but still not sure about that yet.  I don’t want to not weigh and I lose focus too at the same time the scale doesn’t always dictate weight loss.  For you can lose inches too which I have!

I went to buy my wedding dress on Saturday.  I put a deposit down at the beginning of the month and at that time the dress was snug and tight.  They said I would need a couple of inches on both sides.  This Saturday she said I need like one inch in the back!  Score!  So yay for inch loss!

Anyways… I hope you guys all had a great weekend like I did :) Please share what was the highlight of your weekend?

Happy Hump Day

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Well, the water weight is slowly coming off I am down 5lbs already and another 5 to go to get where I was Saturday morning.  AF is due next weekend so I am sure by then I should lose the next 5lbs and hopefully be down more.

I have just stayed on plan and going from there.  It’s really all that I can do at this point.  I wish I knew a bit more in advance when the big O (and we are not talking orgasms here) is about to happen so I can just avoid the scale that day.

I think what I might do is the second I start seeing signs I just have to lay off the weighing until after AF that way I don’t screw myself with that number.  But I tend to have a habit of doing that.

So the past month has been pretty stressful.  Our van died as I mentioned so we have been looking to get another one.  I never thought it would be so hard for people to answer three simple questions.  1. How many owners has the van had? 2. Is there any work that needs to be done and 3. What work has been done?

Now, we know some of these are just people who buy these cars and resell them.  But when I ask you does it need anything and you say “it drives good” that doesn’t answer my question.  Our van drove good too but it did have an oil leak, check engine light on and some air flow issue before the transmission went out.

I am about done looking for one.  We even upped our budget (we are paying for a cash car) what’s more funny with that is I will find newer models with just as many miles on them as the older models OR more miles and typically far over the blue book value.

Sigh, I keep telling myself my van is out there but I am totally having my doubts.  Not to mention we were expecting to buy a van after the wedding.  Since the van unexpectedly died I am having to use our wedding fund to pay for the van.  This means we have to make up what we spend.

It sucks because I had totally enough for the wedding, enough to pay my deductible for my insurance and the extra money I get for work this time of year was enough to probably come up with our honeymoon.  Now not so much!  So once we get a van I am looking for a second part-time job.

I am a bit nervous working because every time I have worked something has happened to my health and each time it gets a bit more serious.  But I keep telling myself I am not looking for a full-time position, even though I am keeping my current at home job too.

We will see how it works.  D already told me after the wedding if it’s too much I don’t have to keep both jobs or worse case he will pick up something he can do on the weekends.  Which, I am trying to avoid.  He works enough as it is and it just doesn’t seem quite fair.

On the plus side several of the important things in the wedding have been paid OR will be paid this week which I am super excited about.  It really just leaves us coming up with smaller things (which mind you all adds up) but at least things like food and venue won’t be sacrificed lol

So that’s what’s going on here.  Anything new with you?

So Figures!

So today marks 4 weeks on the elimination diet and it’s also weigh in Monday.  I really hoped for this month to be different.  I was shocked last week when I started seeing signs of ovulation I was staying down and thought maybe this month will be different.

So Saturday D and I had a cake tasting and he took me out to dinner.  While our eating was not the best I didn’t eat an insane amount of food.  In fact I had to take like three small boxes from the cake tasting.  I just couldn’t eat it.  For dinner we had some yummy Tai food!

Naturally, on Sunday I weigh in and I am up like ALOT.  D was up like 3lbs which was a given.  Our bodies wasn’t use to the extra sodium and such.  But then I weigh in this morning and I am up 10 full pounds from Saturday.  On Saturday I got so super excited because the scale said 292 :) I thought hey I might actually reach 290 by Monday.

Uh, no scale is 302 just ONE pound under what I started 4 weeks ago.  Now, this morning my body is telling me that Ovulation is occurring for sure.  With that I do know I gain.  AF is expected next week.  I just don’t get it though.  10 pounds I always gain like 10lbs.  I get we ate not so great on Saturday but one day shouldn’t cause me to gain 9lbs (I was up 9lbs the very next day).

I also logically know that I can’t gain 9lbs of fat in one day. That still doesn’t make the process any less annoying.  BUT it’s okay I guess….. I will just ride this week and continue to eliminate foods and drink, drink, drink my water so that I can hopefully loose this water weight.  Maybe, next week I will see my 290!  Trying to stay optimistic this month…. sigh….

Weight in Monday!

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So, week 2 of the elimination diet is done.  This week as a test we will be adding in a few things.  We added back products with corn and I did allow myself sugar (that wasn’t an allergy issue) but still having that in small amounts.  I really prefer just using fruits as a sweetener for things.

Anywho, I did weigh in this morning and I am 294.0 so that puts me at an official lost of 3lbs since last week and 9.4lb loss since I started two weeks ago.  I think for now I am going to continue the loss of eggs (since this was something I had never taken out of my diet) and dairy (since I do know I am sensitive to dairy as it is).

I am also continuing eating meats, veggies, rice, beans (we did add some beans recently) and fruit.  Just keeping things very simple.  I even tried and made cauliflower alfredo and have to give it TWO THUMBS UP.  I am not a huge fan of cauliflower but this stuff was awesome!  If you are curious here is a very simple recipe on how to make it yourself http://detoxinista.com/2013/05/creamy-cauliflower-alfredo-dairy-free-nut-free/.  I really do recommend it.

So how are you doing?  How is your journey going?  Up’s?  Down’s? Let it out!

 

Weight Loss?

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1014061_213682088822306_2102863430_nI don’t know exactly what it is that I took out of my diet or what? But, the pounds are starting to *knock on wood* fall off!  I am in complete shock honestly.  I have taken many things out of my diet before and not have had success then again I didn’t have my IUD which I do believe is also helping.

But whatever it is, it’s working.  I don’t really eat much different from before.  The main thing I think is, I actually do eat less meat.  That I do know.  I know it’s kind of hard to be like how can you be eliminating so much and still not eat much meat?  But I don’t.  I eat veggies, rice/quinoa, some fruit and about two servings of meat a day (sometimes just one).

I am also not eating any eggs or dairy.  I have went dairy free before but not egg free.  I do love eggs and kind of miss them including bacon (we took that out for now) but all in all I am doing really good.  I think the green shakes help out so much in the mornings.

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They also work great with my life style.  I also try to keep a few things cooked.  Like Quinoa that way I can just heat up a little, mix in some veggies and wah-la lunch!  Dinner is pretty simple as well.  One meat and two veggies at least.  However, that hasn’t changed all that much.  Just what I put in dinner has.  Everything is pretty much fresh ingredients.

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So, all in all I am pretty shocked but happy about it.  I really can’t wait to see what the rest of the month holds for me.  I think the fact I lost last week was HUGE.  With AF here I am still steadily losing.  Even D seems to be losing again as well.  So yay us!  Monday’s are going to be my official weigh in.  So stay tune for that!

HAPPY HUMP DAY EVERYONE!

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